A fire's dance.

Hey SecreteJournalist! Finally I can review! Alright, so I believe you know the drill....LET'S GO!!

Cons:
1.

Flames lick through
the cracks of my home.
Capturing my memories
in one last burst of excitement
before banishing into nothing.
In it's place, ashes.

My home was pierced with flame all evening.
Leaving an white hot memory that
I called home for so long,
to shards of forgotten day's.
A fires dance left a family
of hope and creation,
to an silent funeral of
ways to forget.

Falling in small fragments
with an fading meaning.
A dance of white, smoldering
pieces of my life soon to be forgotten.
The unorganized massacre
of frantic flames that ate away my life
taunt my memory.

My home was pierced with flame all evening.
Leaving an white hot memory that
I called home for so long,
to shards of forgotten day's.
A fires dance left a family
of hope and creation,
to an silent funeral of
ways to forget.

*Poof* Special effects are great am i right? Anyway onto re-*Pop*..............................*Poof* Sorry. Internet died along with my shenanigans. Onto the review!
First.....compliments! (Aren't you happy?)

I like how you did this over here. For example when you say, "A dance of white, smoldering
pieces of my life soon to be forgotten. " I like this sentence. It flows, it sounds so nice to the ears. Mi Gusta! (I took your gimmick greenlight!) Spanish! Anyway onto criticism!

I spy with my little eye this! "with an fading meaning." Notice the sentence. Notice it again. Have you noticed it? Good now notice the, "an fading" INCORRECT! (sorry that was mean ) But it is a typo. I find it's helpful to just do a wee little grammar check before posting. No biggie though.

Great story madame! Keep writing!

Hi there! I'm so psyched that u reviewed my story! Thanks a lot. Now we're even XD.

*clears throat*

I think you did a very good job with this poem and I think you had a good idea and really ran to the moon with it. I love the idea of a poem from the perspective of someone who's lost their home to a fire, just because there are so many captivating metaphors and nuances that go along with something such as a fire. (Not saying i like it when ppl's houses burn down lmao)

You did a nice job of tying it all together: the emotions of the narrator, the physical description of what's going on, etc. It was all very nicely addressed here. I especially love the second stanza. The line about the "unorganized massacre" carried out by the fire. Your descriptive talents are on full display in this poem. It was very refreshing to read something that really captured the HEAT of the moment like this. *pun*

The only thing I could say u should work on is your diction. The syntax is what I think makes this poem awesome, and I feel like the diction should be equally awesome. Don't get me wrong, it was still decent, but I feel like a few word choice edits would be worth your time. For instance, I wouldn't really imagine a home being "pierced with flame" it's be more like it was overtaken or engulfed or absorbed or something. Piercing just doesn't seem like the kind of thing a fire does. Anyways, it was still a very enjoyable read and I can tell you definitely have poetic talent. Muy bueno, Brie!