Through parched lips that
cracked as she spoke,
she uttered her final plea
to the world and it's humanity.
"Help me."
But no one heard.
No one saw her wild eyes
turn into dulled orbs;
Forever staring up at the eternal light.
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139,491 Literary Works • 672,583 Reviews
This contained such vivid imagery. I loved it!
"To the world and its humanity" <--- my favorite part. Because we are, in fact, mere humans. We do things we shouldn't, ignore those who need help, and indulge in selfishness.
This has so much left unsaid. How did she die? Why doesn't she have anyone? Why does she need saving?
But I think it's best that they go without answers because it gives that aura of mystery that's so hard to capture sometimes.
This was a wonderful piece and I hope to read more like it!
Always, Dark Heart.
Hey SecreteJournalist, Strange here and I have a quick review for you!
This was strong, and for some reason that's all I get out of poems for you. You have a strong theme/message in all of your poems you mean to have it like that. That's great! One reason why I follow you. You're great at poetry. I like how this is small, and it basically shows a cry for help. I give you a round of applause!
Overall, its great
Strange gives you...
Off the charts!
Great job
Keep writing
Stay groovy
An excellent critique on the apathy of human kind, if I do say so myself. One thing that I find interesting is your seeming attempt to rhyme over the course of three lines towards the middle of it all. Considering the length of your poem it wouldn't be a bad idea to try and continue that throughout. I think that it could really go place if you did that, and it'd also set you aside from the rest of the crowd, as free-verse poetry is a very common thing, whereas structure is not. Overall, it's quite good, although it has more than a little tinge of cliche as well. Something else you'd consider editing? Anyway, I do believe I've overstayed my welcome, so keep up the good work, and fare thee well.
- Scoeri
What gave you the idea to write this piece? It is good, but is it personal? I would like to know.
Well, a while ago, I had made a friend. Real pretty she was, and she was nice and funny. We shared a lot in common. But you know how people seem to judge themselves more than others? That's what happened to her. She's not dead, no, she's slowly fighting to recover. I suppose she was my inspiration for this. I did happen to write it when I saw her one day, staring with wild eyes up at an light on the ceiling. So she was my inspiration for this, I suppose.
Well, a while ago, I had made a friend. Real pretty she was, and she was nice and funny. We shared a lot in common. But you know how people seem to judge themselves more than others? That's what happened to her. She's not dead, no, she's slowly fighting to recover. I suppose she was my inspiration for this. I did happen to write it when I saw her one day, staring with wild eyes up at an light on the ceiling. So she was my inspiration for this, I suppose.
Woah... I don't know if it's just a bug on my screen, but it shows my comment twice.
Interesting. It is amazing how we can tell some much about a person inner thoughts through the look of their eyes.
It truly is.