A mutt with ribs poking
at his tight skin howls.
It wanted a meal to eat,
to go a day without starving.
Inside a girl cries,
knowing she's about to die.
All because she thought
ribs was a sense of fashion.
Both die that night,
with skin so tight
against bones so large.
Both stomachs are empty,
as well as the hope in their eyes.
The difference between a
starving mutt and a starving girl?
A mutt knew to eat for survival,
to keep his sanity in check, you see.
This girl starved herself to grow smaller,
following society's guidelines of beauty.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,495 Literary Works • 672,584 Reviews
Hey there! Purple here to review on Review Day! Let's get down to business.
So, I like blaming society for the changes in these people, but I have a few nitpicks and suggestions. I think you would be better off concentrating on one person and not both the boy and girl, because it gives more opportunity for a story. How did "society" change them, and when? Giving them a story would make it more personal and not just plain-old blaming the generic group of society. You could also address how we are all a part of society, but that's just a suggestion. I like the angle you had in this poem, but I definitely think you could have gone much further in this.
Have a wonderful evening!
~Purple
Wow. You are right.
This is different.
But it's a good different.
I like the way that you broke up the lines and the stanzas, this is formatted really perfectly.
The comparisons that you make between the world and the girl are brilliant.
It's really sad when you think about it.
How many people starve themselves for society's sake, when in truth they have enough to eat?
Compare those people to the ones who starve because society can't get them enough food, and it's a bleak reality.
I think that you did a very good job in capturing this, and that this poem was wonderfully written.
~Teen~
Ah, another beautiful poem. *cries*
Really have nothing to review about.
I seriously want more from you.
Thanks.