The Eye

Mmkay.
Sarai here for a review!
Hi cheese!!!
Anyways...
You totally gave a whole new perspective on eyes. (You have pretty eyes by the way.) okay, anyways, I really liked this. Flows nicely and gets your point across all remaining such a beautiful poem! (Come to the window with me. (You'll get it after English.)) So I really liked this. It's beautiful. (Like you!) okay, that's it.
Keep writing,
Sarai
Relatable
Dorothy

P.S. LOVE YOU CHEEEEEEESE!

I love this!

This poem is good and has great potential I like that you used the theme of an eye, which is an interesting topic and how you described. However there are some suggestions I'd like to make.

Your first stanza and third one are a bit similar, if you wanted to make them repetitive, I suggest you make them a significant part of your poem e.g.

"They say the eye is a wonderful thing.
It has a pupil,
surrounded by a seemingly golden ring."

In stanza 3:

"The eye truly is a wonderful thing.
A pupil, with a golden ring."
I think you should have had this line for stanza 1 as well as three.

The last line, I feel is unnecessary we've already established that the eye is wonderful from your poem;
"The eye is a wonderful thing."

I think you need to add more depth and emotion to your poem, create more imagery because you could do so much with the theme of the eye, how people see differently from the same eyes, what emotions the eye has, what the eye sees, what it can capture etc....

The lines in your quatrains have some awkward lengths so cut off a few unnecessary words which are running the rhythm of your poem, also check for grammatical errors.

Work on developing this poem, overall well done and keep up the good work!


-Infinity x

Hiya, frandd ^-^ Happy review day btw! (hiphip hurray for Tsunami Tyrants!)
Alrightyroo, I iz here to give you an appraisal of your piece and some of my enthralling opinions, which are so highly regarded here :3 (hehe Not.)
Anyhoo! Firstly, I adore poetry and verse, and always take time to scrutinize them pretty carefully, so feel free to ask me to review your work at any time, okay? ^-^
This is a very intriguing piece and I wonder how you aroused the scheme of it all? Very stimulating.
I did see a few grammatical errors, however, but they’re so minor that it doesn’t take form the piece (though I would advise you to polish it up a bit)
It has a lot of potential and promise and I’d advise you to clean it up as best you can and then repost it ^-^ All be more than happy to read it, or anything you post, at any time.
All Well done, keep writing, and do your best!
~Catnip~

O.K. Just a few things:

Grammar:
"Truly, the eye could quite possibaly be the gateway to the soul."
Should be possibly.

Rythym:
This poem has potential, however, you are using way too many "little words" in your poem, and decreasing the effectiveness and the flow. Before you put in a word, think to yourself, "Is this really necessary? What is this word doing for my poem?", if it works, put it in. An example of this is the stanza below:

Most likely, what you see is many surprises.
What you would see is many surprises
Truly, the eye could quite possibaly be the gateway to the soul.
The eye could be the gateway to the soul
To look back at your eyes in the reflection,
To look at your eyes in the reflection
with the mystery center the color of coal
With a center the color of coal.

See? Flows a little better. Just apply this to the rest of your poem.

Keep working with this, you'll get it. Good luck and keep writing!

~Kay

Secretejournalist,
This is a very intresting poem. I'm really curious as to where the inspiration for tis poem came... That is if it wasn't actually your eye..... . Anyway, the only thing I really see is that the lines are very long. Some of them like
"To look back at your eyes in the reflection, with the mystery center the color of coal". Could be to lines. If you just spilt it at reflection and with we're the comma is it would be the perfect length.



~MindBlown

Hi!

Well this is... interesting.

You've organized the poem into quatrains, with 2 rhyming couplets within them. Which is good basic structure to follow.

The first quatrain I quite like, the first line is a topic sentence and sets up exposition, as well as the title. There is a spelling mistake on a word which I'm sure you know how to spell, the 4th last word in the quatrain.

The second stanza is ok, it isn't as grabbing as the first one. And I have to PM you about the final line, because I have no idea what you are trying to define with that line. The word "alot" is also very debatable. I used to use it, but it isn't actually a word:
http://www.grammar-monster.com/easily_c ... _allot.htm

I like the soul concept though, however it has been used many times within books and I've seen it around quite a bit.

The final quatrain is better, especially the final like with the simile of the pistol, which also represents gunmetal grey, a cold color for the eye to have. The slight repetition is good, however it would be more effective if the poem were longer.

There is quite a bit of work to be done. The adjectives and descriptive language is a little basic, and I think some exploration of some classics and just some digging into a dictionary to learn better words to describe things would improve your writing vastly as a whole. Or if not that, the use of clever language and structure is another thing to delve into.

Looking forward to see how you progress!

Really good! I alo like how you talked about the eye! People's eyes really do describe a lot about them =D
"The eye truly is a wonderful thing.

A pupil, with a golden ring.

Tears themselves from the eye is crystal.

But be warned, others are like a pistol."
This stanza I found a little confusing, you have to try and strike a balence between using simple words like is to much, or not often enough. Your punctuation was nice though I think more rythm would have spiced this up a bit, I love your rhyming!

Keep it up
~Speakerskat

So deep. I like it! I'm new but you're definitely one to follow. I like how you referred to an eye, truly.

Hello SecreteJournalist, Pumpkin here with your review of "The Eye". First off, I like this poem because it really defines what the eyes can do like in the line But be warned, others are like a pistol. Okay in the first stanza their is a y missing from the word "the" in "the would feel lukewarm. Good poem that's all I found that was wrong Good word 7/10