I write on paper.
That part is true.
But they are just
words on a page to you.
They are important to me.
They have a good meaning...
they set me free.
Free of the chains of the
real world, you see?
Oh the words.
I write and I write,
hoping you would
notice someday.
But everyday I
sigh a little,
say something like
"Not Today."
Its sad that you
ignore me,
that's not right...
not at all.
Im going to fall.
Will you catch me?
Grab at the loose ends
of the words that set me free?
Or am I just a girl
in a sea of other
girls with more populairty?
I love the poem it's beutiful and sad but it catches you. I found only one mistake with spelling and it is: populairty the "i" and "r" needs to be switched. This is poem in a way relates to me but it's drawing as well. I also understand the pain it causes the narrator because i never had a boyfriend before til sometime last week.
Hey SecreteJournalist,
I relate with works of unrequited love, and this one has caught my eye. I enjoy the narrative and changes in perspective. From "Im going to fall." into "Will you catch me?" I think that these lines really tie up the emotion from the story/poem really well in the ending. The questioning/realization/doubt is very noticeable and great for this work, in my opinion.
You have missed some apostrophes here and there, but I think that's all I can say so far as revision(since stanzas have already been mentioned).
Hi! Sparkle here to review!
This is good, it has a very relatable message and familiar tone.
Something that confused me was the rhyme scheme. Was there one? Was there multiple? It seemed to rhyme in some places and not other, which confused me a bit.
I love this line:
"Grab at the loose ends
of the words that set me free?"
It's really good imagery.
The title of this piece is good and fits it well. Also, have you considered breaking this in to stanzas? I'm not sure it needs them, but you could try fooling around with that and seeing if you like it.
Well done, this is a good start, but definitely with room for improvement!
Good job, and keep writing!
This is a very... what's the word? It's a very good poem that feels so deep and I love it. Is the narrator in high school because of the last line.
It's sort of sad, the title lets out an agonizing (? =l) truth of unrequited love. I'm kind of mad that he just shoots off her work as something insignificant like simple words on paper when to her it is so much more. .v.
Nothing more comes to mind and wording is difficult. Keep writing because of course you already are or is. Grammar's not my best subject...
120,364 Literary Works • 649,602 Reviews
Thanks for the review
Points: 357
Reviews: 2
Donate