Round and round
the tornado twists,
dark and vastly wide.
People scream,
some people die.
We all huddle inside.
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140,482 Literary Works • 673,249 Reviews
Hello, Molly here to review. First off, happy review day!. Second, all the grammar things were changed down below, so not worth repeating. I liked how it was sort of a creepy nursery rhyme feel. It gave me chills. The idea was good, but if you were intending what I thought you were, then I think maybe you should add some more depth. And some more dark. That's just my 2 cents. Keep writing!
-molly
Another review by, I, Kitty! Again, set out your shields!
Before I begin, I like how this is only 2 stanzas short, so it's simple to read, and fitting as well.
"Vastly wise" doesn't make sense. If the tornado is an EF5 tornado, of course, I would understand, but maybe it's more like "goes dark and vastly wide". Then the problem is dark. The two (or three...) words just don't go together very well.
This doesn't make sense. Where do everyone hide? If a child were to read this, they probably wouldn't know about the shelter. That's what I mean.
Also, if people scream and die, what about the people huddling inside? What are they doing? Dying, screaming, and doing what people who are running would do? Sounds like they are safe in a shelter to me.
So, what I want to say is that even though this has a lot of hidden potential, you aren't using it like you should, but it's good enough. It's unique, with a hint of humor in it.
That's why I gave a like. I enjoyed reading, and while there are still many spots that you should probably improve/fix, it's a wonderful poem anyhow.
Keep writing!
~Kitty