They speak their thoughts,
spill their soul.
A toothy smile and flashing eyes,
black as coal.
A shriek of pain,
a flash of desire.
Stories dark
and full of fire.
My eyes watch,
my ears listen close.
They say stories
that matter the most.
My own stories are
stored away.
These demons don't ask
if I have anything to say.
Tears of red,
sobs so loud.
Behind those tortured eyes,
they seem so proud.
Proud to tell a story,
one so sick and twisted.
I listen to them a lot,
they say it's in case I missed it.
Jagged words dipped in venom
lash out to my ear.
My story is unheard of,
no one wants to hear.
Sores and scars
right upon their exposed wrist.
They ask if they died,
'Would they be missed?'
Stories and words,
ones so very dreaded.
I decided to stop listening,
they asked where I was headed.
I'm going away from here,
this blasted place.
Don't worry of me,
or my words of lace.
Away from the hellions,
away from their words.
I'm free to speak,
even if it's just to the birds.
I took my life away
so I could fly.
The hellions never guessed
I would die.
So long to my life,
so long to my head.
Whatever I was,
I suppose I'm now dead.
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139,491 Literary Works • 672,583 Reviews
Timmy here for a review!
Hey, I know this is pretty old and you haven't had a review since the last review day, but give me a break! I'm on the fifth page and I was looking for works by people I knew! So here I am!
Annnnnddd, I notice you are on my team, too! Awesome! We should be painting some roses red by now! lol Onto your review now!
So this was an awesome poem... I am not sure as to what its meaning is, though... I am almost thinking that it means things that you have done, you want to get away, but probably not. Maybe you could tell me? Pleeeeaaasssseee??? I am a very ignorant fellow.
I will hit a few spots now!
That last one wasn't a nitpick. Just me sayin something!
~Timmyjake
Hi! Anshira to review here on behalf of Ink Force. I loved this poem and it really is well-written. I liked the flow; it was smooth. I loved your choice of words and your grammar.
My favourite lines would be:
"Sores and scars
right upon their exposed wrist.
They ask if they died,
'Would they be missed?'"
Overall: I really liked this poem hope to read more of your work.
- Anshira
Hey there! Is is death? That's the idea I got
I'll just say before I start, I don't usually like poems which rhyme and don't usually review them, but when I read this one, it totally jumped out at me! You rhymes are subtle, yet effective and helps the flow of the poem a lot. Great work!
Some little improvements to be made however...
"They say stories
that matter the most."
That just didn't seem to flow quite right for me, perhaps change it to...
"They say the stories
matter the most."
or...
"They say stories
which matter the most."
Just some suggestion.
One of my favourite line was probably...:
"Jagged words dipped in venom"
As it's just so powerful, and one can imagine theses jagged bits of glass dipped in this barrel full of venom. Great imagery written there!
Good poem, I like your style, let's follow yo- oh wait, I already am.
Have a good Christmas holiday!
-CFG
Hey SecreteJournalist,
I know you said to try and guess the meaning, so I'm going to say maybe you feel like you're trapped. And escape in this case means death. *shudder*
Okay, so now for the poem!
In the first stanza your third line it didn't seem to flow right. Perhaps it was written to be that way, but I just wanted to point that out.
I'll try to get back to write a legit review during review day or later. But this was obviously an emotional poem and very well written. You wrote this passionately and it's full of emotion. The crudeness of it shocked me, if I was being honest.
Keep writing, this is amazing!
-FCS