Into The Confusion of Life

Hey there, Journalist! June here.

I really like the kind of ideas your bring to the table in your poem, but more often than not, I find myself wishing you had elaborated. To read this this way feels like a series of fragments that do little more than plant ideas in our head, when we're looking for a piece of literature that will inspire, that will motivate, and bring an idea to life. I don't like the asking of open-ended questions in poetry because YOU are supposed to be impressioning us, not leaving us to fill in the gaps where detail wanes.

You have really good ideas. I hope you keep writing,

June

Hey, fellow Fire Flower. I am here as you requested, and I want to say I like the image you open this poem with. The colors and textures of fur and feather are a really vivid way to introduce a topic, and it sets me up for a wonderful nature filled poem of exploration.

Except that the poem doesn't turn out that way. Not to put down these questions and thoughts you're having. They're great and they lead to exploration and thought that will lead you to discovery and growth, and I never want you to stop questioning the world the way you are in this poem. But at one point or another, most everyone who's intellectual goes through this thought process. Which means I've read these questions in poems a thousand times before.

I'd say, if you choose to edit, stick with the image. Build a metaphor that covers everything you think about this philosophy. Show your questions instead of stating them through regular language. Show us the attack and some kind of twist that happens that makes you question your relationship to the world and the circle of life. I think it's really interesting that you mention this as a kitten's first meal. It's that interesting twist I just mentioned, since kittens usually get mother's milk for a first meal, right? So going straight into hunting is pretty evil and shocking, and I think you could get some good emotion out of exploring that.

So yeah! I hope this review will be helpful to you. I also want you to know that you're free to PM me anytime, and especially if you have questions or comments about this review.
Good luck and keep writing!

Heyo!
Nargles to review for you this review day.

So, overall I thought this was a really good piece, it was nicely written and had a great feel to it.

Now for some nitpicks and critic.

I feel as if you could of added more emotion to it, I know it is a poem about auestions and confusion but apart from stating questions you didn't show the confusion you have with life and all the other topics in the poem. Don't take out the imagery in order to add emotion, in fact use the imagery to make emotion. Does that make sense?

Really, everybody else has commented on the punctuation and other mistakes. But just be careful with flow, you have a lot of different line lengths and this at times ruins the flow. So be careful with that.

Apart from that you have a great poem and while it is simple it is nice and sweet, so great job!

Keep writing.
Nargles xxxx

So many unanswered questions indeed :p
I really liked the poem but I am a bit confused about what death and survival has to do with the confusion of life. I feel like it's just been interjected into an area it doesn't belong.
From the fourth stanza on only do I feel like there is a relation to the title of the poem because of the numerous questions. Although one or two questions would be fine, it's a bit unnerving to have so many suspensions in the poem because these are questions I do not have answers to that I expect you to give me.
As for grammar:

"caught in the teeth,
of a kitten wanting its first meal." --> the comma between "teeth" and "of" is unnecessary and it sort of ruins the tempo of the line.

"but soon the go limp against
the grey fur of the killer." --> I suspect this might be a typo, and that the word "the" was supposed to be "he". Otherwise the word could be removed and the verb "go" could be changed to "goes".

"But its the circle of life." --> *It's* the circle of life.

"thats what we all do" --> *That's"

"Before one day that key
breaks slowly loose." --> I didn't really understand that...

"Life itself is confusing.
For where does it start?" --> in this part, the whole should either be a single sentence of the word "For" should not be there.

"Is their in inbetween?" --> maybe rewrite it as "Is there an in between?"

"These are just a few of lifes" --> life's

"confsuing," --> I think that's just a typo

So that's my review, as a whole I think it was a good poem with just a few mistakes here in there. Although I do not understand the relevance of some stanzas it was probably your intention so good job!

Hallo!

I think you did a very good job with this poem. A lot of the ideas expressed here are interesting, and questions that we often must ask ourselves.

A few suggestions:

Firstly, I guess the central idea of the poem is that of unanswered questions? But the narrative doesn't really stick to one idea; it sort of wanders from one thing to another, not spending much time on any specific thing. Perhaps you might want to instead focus on one more tangible main idea, or have something at the beginning that hints that the theme is the unanswered questions.

Secondly, I would suggest maybe adding some more descriptive language. The wording here is kind of simple, and things aren't really described in any sort of depth before you jump to the next one. For instance, instead of just saying "Dying is the blue bird/caught in the teeth/of a kitten wanting its first meal" perhaps say something along the lines of "Dying is the bluebird/clamped between the strong jaws/of a thin cat covered in mud who hasn't seen a meal in days". Adding more detail makes the poem more interesting and allows for much deeper meaning. It also evokes more emotion in the reader, allowing them to connect more with the poem. For instance, this stanza:

Life itself is confusing.
For where does it start?
The sun,
the stars,
the planets,
the galaxies.

has a lot of potential for more meaningful descriptions. Instead of just "the sun", maybe say "the sun, its warm glow shining down all day", or instead of just the stars, maybe say "the stars twinkle above us while we lie on our backs in the damp grass, making us feel insignificant compared to the scale of the universe".

So I think this would be better if you added more description and imagery to it. That's the sort of thing that catches a reader and allows them to connect with the poem and enjoy it on a much deeper level.

Another thing I noticed was that the poem is a bit repetitive, and has a lot of excess words. For instance,

Such a sad way to go.
But its the circle of life.
The cruel,
mean,
horrid,
circle of life.
But its all for survival,
thats what we all do,
the animals,
the plants,
the people.