Ninety Seven Tears

Tis a long poem.
Mmkay! I shall review!
First stanza: Why is there a “an” there. Made me stop, you cant just stop while reading poetry cheese!
*cough* Only problem I really saw. Keep up the good work. You have good flow and amazing punctuation! 8 of 10 I’d say.

You’re fabulous,
Sarai

P.S. Peekaboo

I like this a lot. It's easy to see the emotion/passion that has been put into it-- it's obviously a poem that has been written from an experience of yours.

I like how you suddenly go from the thoughts of "death sucks," to "when will I die?" This makes it more personal to you, instead of just a generic poem about death.

There were a few spelling/punctuation/grammar mistakes, but I think the other reviewers got most of them. I didn't see a correction to "women." It should be "woman," I think.

Great job; keep at it!

wow, I'm really amazed. that was really great. Your imagery was very good. I suppose there is a little bit of grammar and punctuation to nitpick at, but it seems the other reviewers beat me to it. A really nice job all around, and I think I can tell that this came from experience. There's no other way you could write with so much passion. Keep up the good work.

Hey! I'm going to reveiw this!! And I go from stanza to stanza and usually end with an overall message. Changes will be bold. (And this is going to be so long!! XP)

1st Stanza:

Ninety-Seven years,
but more than Nintey-Seven tears.
Questions left unanswered,
not even a clue to an answer,
not a single word. --This is a great start to your poem! I am getting the feeling already that you are telling a story and that's so wonderful. You just mispelled answer slightly, but that's okay. Also, I would suggest adding "even" to the fourth line, I say this because it doesn't fit well with the sentence to leave it out. Just read it over and see what you think as well.

2nd Stanza:

Death is quick.
Taking out someones-
only wick to life.
Last words are uttered,
quietly but clear,
whispered in the ear. -- I would suggest for the second line you add a dash otherwise it seems rather stunted. This one was very nice as well. I really am liking your style of writing here.

3rd Stanza:

Your third stanza was so wonderful I found nothing to correct in it. It's beautiful! Preserve in a gaze! Oh my, I haven't thought of anything like that! It was splendid to read.

4th Stanza:

The room around you
seems brighter,
until they pass.
Then the room goes dark,
quickly and quietly,
like it wants to shout
"Finally, at last!" -- Hmm. I like this but I also found it a bit contradicting, I mean the room goes dark queitly and yet shouts "Finally, at last!" I think that that's worth looking back on. It could still say finally at last but maybe instead of shout you can use the term "cry" or "whisper", or anything that may not mean being loud. I realize "cry" could be loud as well, but not too loud I don't think, so I would suggest it. Other than that this was great too! I would just suggest a comma by "Finally" it is displayed above.

5th Stanza:

For the stronger,
the tears just never fall.
Its hard to believe.
For the weaker,
the tears come fast.
Little clear crystals,
representing emotion. -- For this one, I realize you are trying to ryhme. It's important, and I rhyme a lot on my works (sometimes even when I initially didn't even want to) . So yeah, rymying is good, but in this case, I would suggest you change line two to "fall". And it doesn't seem as if this is a rhyming peice at all, so there's no need for a sudden ryhme. Also, since a lot of your stanzas are short and meaningful, I would suggest just cutting short the last line to "representing emotion" it flows with the rest. Or "That represent emotion."

6th Stanza

But what you realize the most,
are the unawnsered questions.
The ones you never thought of asking.
Then the fear.
Fear of when you will fall,
into the coldness and darkness,
of the hands of death. -- This stanza was excellent. The only thing was the "are" sounds like a better tense.

7th Stanza:

This is also a good stanza and I didn't find anything in particular that needed changing, it was great!


8th Stanza:

"I do not see a light, -- (The "a" is not needed here, because you did not use it for the other line.)
but I also do not see darkness. --(I'd recommend just seperating it to work with the line above.)
I feel like an old candle,
its flame running out.
Be careful Brianna,
stay safe from the..." -- Not really important, but just 'heads up' you had a forgotten period.

9th Stanza:

And so I remain cluless.
Waiting for my turn of death.
Wanting awnsers.
To say goodbye to confusion.
I did not like the fear. -- I would just suggest adding "the" without it I would suggest I "do" not like fear because of the tense, and the sound. Reading it, it flowed better that way.
So out came my one and only
single tear. -- Really nice ending! The words you used were excellent, I really liked it.

So, overall I really really enjoyed this! I love how you told a story though the poem and your stanzas were really awesomely picked. Each stanza told a phase/explained something important. Now even I want t know what the unspoken words were! It was very well written.

-- Dreammm on.

This was a thoroughly interesting poem to read. Be careful with your apostraphes. Awnsers is supposed to be answers, but that might just be a typo. The topic itself is very interesting to explore, and I liked the approach that you took. Most people say that there's a "tunnel of light" (which is really overplayed). There's obviously a personal experience involved...which just made the poem all the better to read, because it's based off actual emotions. It had a good beat and flow which was fabulous! I think that every good poem should be powerful to read with a subtle message to read between the lines...which you pulled off.
"I do not see a light,
but I also don't see darkness.
I feel like an old candle,
its flame running out.
Be careful Brianna,
stay safe from the.." I loved how you trailed off on this line (even though it does leave me with a lot of questions!), because it leaves the reader with a lot to think about....
Also, I loved your ending. Overall, EXCELLENT job!
Keep on writing!
Dragonrider

This is great! I really like your imagination and how you explained how death looks like to you! I can't help myself but ask, is this a real experience you and writing about here? This work is really interesting from the beginning of the couplets all the way to the end. I like how the title is ninety-seven tears but in the end you only shedded a single tear. Also does ninety-seven tears represent ninety-seven years? On how the person was when they passed away? Good job!

Wow, this is brilliant! You've really shown us how the last few moments of our lives feel like. A very good comparative with 'an old candle flame'. I really like that. It creates a very mysterious atmosphere.

There were some errors I've found. I've put in brackets [] the changes I've made.

Questions left [unanswered,]
[with] not a clue [,]
nor a single word.

'Death is quick.'

I would keep this line on it's own; it's short and dramatic.

You can see the color
in the victim[']s eyes,
slowly preserve [no comma here]
in a mysterious glaze.

It[']s hard to believe.

The ones you never thought of asking [,]
[and] then the fear.

I do not see a light,
but I also [don't] see darkness.
I feel like an old candle,
[with] it[']s flame running out.

Regardless of these errors, your work is fabulous. I really like the topic you've chosen to explore. I may not understand much about poetry, but it does leave a powerful effect.

Well done, and keep writing!