I've come so close
to achieving my goal.
One I so desire.
But then it goes away.
I've put in the effort.
The blood.
The sweat.
The tears.
Don't forget dedication.
Nothing seems to work.
Nothing.
A normal, sane person,
would just give up,
yet I keep trying.
Trying.
Always trying.
I'm dedicated.
Addicted.
It's not working.
My goal is running away.
Running so far.
Faster.
Even faster now.
I'm attempting to get it back.
It's too far now,
my goal is way too far.
I despise it now.
It's gone away.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,015 Literary Works • 672,845 Reviews
Secretejournalist, you are the rock star of poems!! How many have you written?
Timmyjake here representing the apple dumpling team. We rock, don't we? Oh, I probably shouldn't ask you that. You're an alien eating an icecream sandwich.
Your poem is just like normal. Simple lines and a complex meaning! I like how you have those single words inbetween some of your lines. You are working towards a goal. It is hard. You are sweating from the work. You are bleeding. You are obviously in pain. But you are addicted to it. Sounds like a marathon!! A normal sane person would just give up, but you fight on!
No spelling errors I see and commas and periods are your prerogative.
Great poem. Looking forward to your next!
Hello!
Things I liked:
-This was a nice, simple poem, with a clear message.
- The emotion was clear. I could definitely tell how you felt.
-This isn't overly descriptive or wordy. Anyone can understand this poem.
-I'm not sure if I liked or didn't like the very short choppy rhythm. It was very choppy, but that might fit with the mood of your poem in that you say you're "running." When I run while trying to speak to someone, I usually speak in short, choppy outbursts. I think that's how everyone does it.
- This doesn't have so much to do with the poem, but I like that you are dedicated to the point of addicted to this goal. So long as it's a good goal, it's good to have something to strive for. Okay yeah.
Things I didn't like so much:
-It seemed just a little TOO simple. Part of the definition of poetry (according to Wikipedia) is "[poetry is used] to evoke meanings in addition to, or in place of, the prosaic ostensible meaning." I take that to mean that all poetry should mean more than what is there if you just read it as prose, just a description. Now don't get me wrong, I'm guilty of not putting deeper meanings in some of my poems, but I'm here to review YOU. I think you should somehow make this a little bit more complicated and deep somehow. Right now, it's not very memorable. Think of the famous poems you know. Why do you remember them? It's not because of what you read on the outside, but what they're deeper meanings are. Just something to think about.
That's really the only complaint I have about this.
I did enjoy reading this.
Keep writing!
~Fortis
Thank you for the review
I will look into editing my poem ASAP