*Note-This was actually a 15in15... I decided to post it because... why not? It's short but that's because I reworded a LOT in 10 miniutes, though I only spent 5 miniutes writing it! I think it's a poem. Or something. I know for sure it's words on a page that I afterwards put in a poem format..*
She gave it life,
thought it could
take away her own.
The possibility of danger
was set aside as she
stared at her creation in fascination.
It gave her warmth,
it gave her scars.
But in the end,
she took away it's life
with one simple breath.
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Hi SecreteJournalist! I love your avatar, by the way.
All in all, I do like the simplicity as I already said! There is something beautiful in poems that are like a draw of breath on their own.
I have to say I was pretty confused by the poem before I reread the title and was like "duhhh". I'm having a hard time deciding whether it's good thing! Because when I was confused, I was going to tell you that I shouldn't be so confused - it reminds me of those riddles that you either get or not and you're really annoyed if you don't. And I'm not sure if that's a good sign if a poem leaves you annoyed! But then I reread the title and understood it better, but this time my problem was that it was almost too obvious. Call me indecisive (I certainly do), but perhaps you can have a think about what you want the poem to achieve in a reader and then rethink the title as well.
I like the structure of this poem, because I've always been one for short and sweet! I really like those kind of poems best. There was one bit where I thought the rhythm was broken up a bit - the whole "The possibility of danger / was set aside as she / stared at her creation in fascination" bit. Here it kind of shows that this used to be words on a page until you put it poem form - the whole main clause thing with a capital letter at the start and a full stop at the end doesn't really flow that well. That sentence was the most problematic bit for me, as I also thought that it was a bit "formal" or that it could've sounded more poetic somehow.
One tiny thing at the end - "it's" should be "its".
Demeter
x
When I finished the poem, I thought of it in a sad way. Not saying it was a bad poem, I thought it was rather nice, but there were some points that gave it a graven undertone. Such as the part where it said "thought it could take away her own" and "it gave her warmth, it gave her scars". For this reason, I personally like since it kind of matches with my own writing style and that there are some points that I can see through my own eyes and agree with.
This was really creative and cute. I don't know if you were looking for cute but that is how I saw it. I don't really know if this counts as a poem or not but it was good none the less. well yes I change my mind it does count as a poem. I think it does. Haha sorry I'm such a scatter brain.