i woke up with an
unfamiliar pink tinge
painted upon my cheeks,
my face sore from
a smile that almost
never appeared,
and my heart beating
at a pace i would
have never comprehended
would be healthy.
and as i let the
morning sun dance
across my face
through the
window blinds
and my once
racing heartbeat
slowed and relaxed,
i knew then i was
capable of feeling love-
that word i could
never bring myself
to let slip past
two lips tightly shut
-for my dream had
shown me that
love could paint
my skin like a canvas
of warm colors
if only i would
open up my
heart to people.
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,734 Reviews
I'd rate it quite average though. It could use more vibrancy like how you relate as love being paint for a heart of canvas. It could use much more throughout the whole poem. It is a success already achieving this, though. But one more thing in my opinion that bugs me most: for the topic of love or death or something fiercely heartfelt, the lines (I don't know what it's called) could be longer. For something like a rant or something not abstract, short, sharp lines may be preferred, but for long, abstract things like love, I keep making stops after a few words drastically reduces the 'feels' that are supposed to build up. Again, this is just my opinion.
Keep writing, the true sense of genuine love is right there. Just grasp it and thaw it and let its colors explode!
I think that this poem is really amazing,because you use a lot of metaphors.
Wow! I absolutely love this poem. Firstly, the metaphor comparing painting on a canvas to love was great. I also really like the first stanza with the detailed descriptions. The meaning of the poem is lovely, as are the metaphors, word choice, and imagery - so nice job with the use of literary devices! The spelling and grammar also look good. However, with the last line, I think it would flow better and have a nicer-sounding ending if you took out the "to people" or changed it a little. The letter "p" has a very popping and crisp sound, which doesn't quite match how the poem feels, at least to me, so maybe change the word(s)? For example, maybe have it something like "open up my / heart and soul." or "open up my / lonely heart." Anyway, amazing poem! Write on
hey, this is Kman134, here, for a review of your work.
The thought of somebody loving you is a wonderful thing, knowing that you wouldn't be alone, anymore. the symbolisms and grammar within are well put together.
"that word i could
never bring myself
to let slip past
two lips tightly shut
-for my dream had
shown me that
love could paint
my skin like a canvas
of warm colors
if only i would
open up my
heart to people."
This last part is what really got me. the symbolism of love used in the second sentence filled me with nostalgia; referring to your body as a canvas and that the person who loves you is painting a portrait on your flesh is pretty attention grabbing and it makes me feel like the same thing is happening to me.
Anyway, love your poem and wish to read more of your work.