z

Young Writers Society



Love Game Bliss

by SecreteJournalist


A love game we play.

Your lips find mine,

but I push you away.

Your face has a look

of anguish and dismay.

You pull back my hair,

kiss me neck.

My mind turns to putty,

as if to say

"Ah, what the heck?"

I will regret it later,

I will be a wreck.

Do you love me,

or do you not?

The fights we have

are totally hot.

Being pushed against a wall,

kissed beyond control,

my heart feels like its been shot.

We fight and break up,

I feel tears and sadness.

Later we make up,

I don't understand it,

its madness.

I am too young,

I shouldn't have to

go through this.

I try and tell you,

you interrupt with a kiss.

I hope I can get through

this love game with bliss.

Bliss to have defeated you.

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User avatar
41 Reviews

Points: 407
Reviews: 41

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Mon Aug 26, 2013 7:28 am
thewriterinside wrote a review...



Hey there! Rosie here for a review.

I really enjoyed this, and I'm not a huge fan of poetry. (No judgement, it's just not my strong point.) The flow of the words was really rhythmic, and the idea behind it was intense. It made me remember when I was being controlled in a relationship, and didn't know how to get out of it. I'm a huge fan of romance, and you captured the hot, blisteringly passionate side. Kudos to you, my friend.

Anyway, you captured my attention so well that by the end, I was begging for more. It felt so natural, and it was a really enjoyable read. Good job!

Love,
Rosie.




User avatar
417 Reviews

Points: 500
Reviews: 417

Donate
Mon Aug 26, 2013 3:19 am
Willard wrote a review...



Remer Strangelove here and I am playing my BOOMSTICK review game. I found this and decided I will shoot this first.
One bone I have to pick is quite the maturity of this poem. I'm not calling you a youngun, as you are my same age. But this is sure up there.
Pros: It was really well done. I do like the wording, the idea, and how it was told. It captured a lot of this that a bigger poem can't. This gets a big Siskel and Ebert thumbs up from me. Pretty good.
Cons: I am still flabbergasted as a person my age can write this. Yet it makes me look at a downside in society. How they all mature so quickly, but how some things ruin it. Im not saying it is bad,as you did this poem really well. Im not calling you immature either. I can't even write this.
Overall: I ended up really liking this poem for how "intense" it is. You get what I mean. A pretty good poem
Remer Strangelove gives you...
7.47/10
Good job
Keep writing
Stay Groovy





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