A Great Man; Now A Dead Man

Hey Secrete!
Sarai to review!
I liked this poem, it flows nicely and is easy to read. Your stanzas are well written and the whole poem is structured very well. This poem will definitely go on my favorites list. I saw no nitpicks, as your spelling and grammar are wonderful. Very beautiful and exquisite poem!
So that's it for my fourth review!
Love (even though who couldn't?),
Sarai.

Hey secretejournalist!!
I'm hanorah and I'll be reviewing your poem today!

I love it, brilliant, yet morbid.

The second stanza was the only bit hard to digest.

'The pain is thrilling,
An escape from it all.
That's what causes
A great man to fall'

I'm sorry but it didn't make sense to me.

The rest of the poem was great though. 8/10
~keep writing

hey this is the second poem I've read by you. I can't say I'm shocked because the title says it all. Nice poem and I have no right to say it's gloomy so... _'' I'll continue reading by you and will speak out if I notice a trend which I kind of already see on the related items. ^o^

What is the purpose? You explain he is dead but what is a poem without a purpose? Think of a poem as a life, you can live a meaningful life in which you conveyed a message and have principles ect. or you can live a simple boring life that is not interesting. This poem deserves some work, you killed a fictional character for no reason! That is simply immoral, the type of thing I am expected to save the day after and I am mighty tired. pun intended. Save me the work, and don't commit the crime of meaningless scenario and MURDERS.

YWS hero, Imhero.

Hello, I would like to start by pointing out the overall topic of the poem seemed scattered. What I mean by that, is that you should form a stronger main topic, so that you can address it in a more appealing manner.
The second stanza seemed to confuse me, is it saying that an escape is what causes a great man to fall? Also, I think the poem might better express it's idea if it were longer. I would suggest adding a few more stanzas, and adding more to the ones you currently have.
Though, so far it sounds pretty good, and I could see it forming into a good work of poetry. There are just some small things that could really improve the poem and make it a really enjoyable work.
Keeping writing. - HSarver

Hello, comrade!

Here is my honest opinion. It's filled with good intentions.

I'm going to address the thing that bugged me the most in this poem, and that's the ending. "Enthral" (or enthrall, as most people spell it) is a verb. Therefore, you shouldn't have it there. You need an adverb there, not a verb. You put that there for the sole purpose of rhyming with small. Never let your rhyme scheme dictate the meaning of the poem. Meaning of words comes before the rhyme scheme.

Anyway, I think this poem as a whole needs a lot of reworking. We need to know the specifics to have any sort of emotional reaction at all to this piece. The two things we need to know most are:
1)Exactly why this guy is dead
2)Why is this man important? Not just "why is he a great man," but on a deeper level, why is he important?

You need more concrete imagery in your poem. I suggest visiting the poet's friends, simile and metaphor. That always makes a poem more interesting to read. Right now, not only do I get no emotion from it, but it's not very exciting to read, really.

Altogether, this poem needs some work. I hope that this review was helpful to you. Happy writing.

I don't like the last line. It doesn't flow with the rest of the poem. I like the rest of it though. Makes me wonder what is happening. He killed himself right?

Hello!
I quite like this poem. I love the title- it made me want to read the poem and hear the story behind this great mans death. I think the first stanza is a strong start too, the use of short lines and mostly monsyllabic words makes it punchy and to the point. It gives the poem a feeling of urgency, mirroring the idea of a fight to the death. The second stanza surprised me because of the posotive connotations given to pain, that's definitely a good thing though because it gives his character an unusual quality and hints slightly at a past that caused him to feel like he needed such an escape. I also enjoyed the last two lines- they are a fittingly dramatic end!

However, there are a few things that I think could be improved. I wanted to know more about the man, what makes him great? Why does he enjoy pain? Who is he fightig and what is he fighting for? I just felt like it was difficult to relate to or empathise with someone whose motivation, intention and character I knew nearly nothing of. Calling him "great" implies we should admire him, but why? I also agree with the comment below about "But in the end its too much!". I didn't like the line and think it could be cut, it jars with the rythm and drags the reader out of the fight and an exclamative just seems out of place. I also didn't like the "looking so small" where it was. It's not the line I dislike- it's simplicity is actually very fitting to your style of writing and the descrptions earlier- but I didn't like it's placement there. Again, I found it jarring.

I think if you re-draft a few more stanza's could be added that use more imagery (metphore, simlie, personification etc.) and characterise the great man a little more. I also think you should decide on a rhyme scheme and stick with it. In the first stanza you have abab, then in the second it's more like abcdb, and then another change in the third to abcdc. Personally, I'm a big fan of rhyme schemes, but unless you change it up for a specific effect then switching about scheme can be pointless and distracting. All three schemes you've used work fine, but I think you should settle on one.

Overall I really did like this poem. I love the use of words like "enthral" and "withers" being contrasted with simpler descriptions and I think you have an unusual and interesting writing style. I find writing poetry in third person to be quite difficult, so I admire your ability to do that effectively. I look forward to reading a re-draft if you do one, and if not I'll definitely be interested in reading other works by you in the future! Well done!

Hey, young poet
It always feels good to read some good poems coming from young writers.
I like the idea of great man ...now a dead man.
Reviewing it.... I feel you should have added a few lines to add to the description of the greatness of the man. Little more details would have made it even more captivating.
Still loving the lines
'So now he withers
on the ground,
looking so small.'.......... This is so real.
Would you explain the idea behind........'The pain is thrilling' though i get it yet want to know your interpetation.
All in all its a good peice of writing, keep writing

So, I love the way this is written. It's short and sweet, but it's leaving me with some unanswered questions. What in the world has caused him to do all this? To feel the way that he did? You didn't make that very clear. I also think that in the second stanza you should get rid of "But in the end it's too much!" It kind of messes up the flow, but that is just my opinion. Other than what I already said, I like this.