Night time is coming,
night time is near.
Listen to your mind,
screaming in fear.
Alone in the woods,
the sun's setting fast.
Lost, oh so lost,
defeated at last.
Those shadows move quickly,
hiding from me.
I see them, I see them;
I laugh in manic glee.
Friends in this loneliness,
friends all mine.
If anybody hurts them,
they will do more than whine.
Their heads will be off,
their blood stripped away.
That blood on my hands...
I'm keeping it for another day.
This darkness is never ending,
I like it I suppose.
When the light comes up,
everyone knows.
Everyone but me,
crazy girl they shout.
Cowering and mad,
I hide and I pout.
The lights coming up,
what do I do?
I grab my knife,
point it at me instead of you.
The darkness was my new friend,
but not anymore.
Time to go away; to die...
this light is a bore.
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139,786 Literary Works • 672,767 Reviews
Hello Hsarver here to review your wonderful piece of literature. So to start, the way you describe the scene was well doe, it had a horror filled theme to it, which for this poem was phenomenal. Also, a lot of the time during poems the rhyme scheme holds theme back from writing it well and vividly, but I feel you did an excellent job with balancing the imagery and tone, with the rhyme scheme. I think my favorite part was the last two stanzas, they were just really well written, and really brought it to a good conclusion. The only thing I might say, is maybe try throwing in some metaphors to give a clearer view of the situation and tone to the reader. But other than that, you did an awesome job with this poem. Keep Writing!
To start with, your poem has a good meter and the tone is mild too. The title however, hides the true message it's sending out. Overall, I think you're good at your art and this poem is a clear evidence to that. Keep writing!
Best Regards from...
- Humphrey