Pain and Heartache

Happy review day!
Here to review.
On the first stanza the last to lines bother me a bit. They don’t sound well together and if you reread them you will see why. As for the rest of the poem I saw no problems with it. I interpret that the poem is about being yourself and doing what you think is right, and all in all its an amazing view of that. The poem also flows nicely and I may suggest putting italics on some words for emphasis.
Keep writing,
Sarai

Hallo, lovely. I think we're going to have fun.

I'm going to go stanza-by-stanza for this, so here's the first: I think you started off with a weak line - and a weak stanza for the most part. Your reader knows this; your reader doesn't need to be told this, and it's likely that they'll sit there and roll their eyes and hit the back button or close the book. It's a technique called "hand-holding", and it's very irritating to a majority of people. Looking past that, in the second-to-last line, it should be "so it's up to us"; and the last line is very confusing in context - it's up to us how to deal with it? I would suggest, perhaps, "so we must decide how we deal with it" or something along those lines.

Second: More hand-holding, when you mention your dance room and then say "I also dance" - I would suggest changing both of those lines to "I also dance in this room" or something like that. Also, to keep up with the nitpicking, it should be "heart's desire". Also, the comma after "I also dance" doesn't belong there - a full stop, I understand, would be too awkward, but perhaps a semicolon would help. I don't personally enjoy this stanza, mostly because this seems very directed at yourself, and not the reader - the reader doesn't want to experience you, they want to experience your poetry.

I honestly don't have a lot to say about the third stanza except I don't know why I don't enjoy it. It's probably the best-written stanza in this piece, but it feels very stilted and off-balance due to your lack of rhythmic words and your insistence on your dance and song.

Fourth: again, "heart's desire", not "hearts". Personal possessives, aside from "its", "his", "her" and "their", always have an apostrophe. I could be asking "you have more than one heart? Your hearts desire what?" And again, I'm not sure I can properly enjoy this poem because I'm not exactly a fan of personal poetry, but it feels very choppy and very... self-absorbed? Even for a personal poem, it feels like you're trying to convince the reader of something.

Fifth: ...giggle. You're not "perfect", hon - simple typo, I think you just missed it. This stanza is just confusing for me, because you repeat "the pain,/ the heartaches" but it makes no sense to, in addition to the phrasing in general makes little sense. Am I supposed to be reading that they go away through the crack in the door? What's happening as they try to slip in? It's a weak stanza, again.

Sixth: "won't", not "wont" ("wont" means "habituated, likely to", as in "I am wont to critique poetry"). I also am definitely not a fan of this stanza, as it (again) feels like you're trying to convince the reader of something - especially by using the cliché descriptors of "wild, crazy, random, creative, out of the box". There are so many better words, and I would be so excited to see you using those words in regards to this and yourself!

Overall, again, I'm not a fan of personal poetry - I clicked on this because I wasn't aware it was personal poetry; but I won't complain too much, because you still have the room and the willpower to improve. There's a lot of stuff in here that can be learnt and relearnt simply by spending more time learning about yourself, writing, and grammar. I suggest an advanced English course as soon as one is available to you (I know it helped me)! Some very basic little mistakes.

And the big thing: Don't forget your hook! You depend on a title and a first stanza to get someone to read your poetry. If you don't have a hook, like I said, it's very likely someone is just going to put this down. You have to make your reader be interested in this, and in you, and be willing to read this - they won't be willing on their own, so intrigue them with things they don't know, or things they know but aren't used to in this setting, rather than telling them things that they do know.

You can feel free to take all of this with a grain of salt; I'm critiquing you like I would have wanted to be critiqued at this age and skill level, and I hope I see many more things from you in the future! The only way to get better at writing is to write, and to read.

Hi, I love giving feedback to poems like this one. I can tell that is personal, from your point of view, describing something you are familiar with. I have a couple of suggestions in order to make your poem a little bit more organized, and stronger in structure so that it doesn't seem quite as young/amateur. You are headed in the right direction!

"They are not wanted,
never are they needed."

First thing I noticed here, lines 2 and 3, you should rewrite this in parallel structure in order to make the fragment stronger. This also helps the flow of your poem and makes it easier to read.

I would change "But they are there." to "But they are.". This also contributes to the strength of your poem. A simple edit of words (such as removing there) has increased the gravity of your point on these woes from simply being "there" to they "are". They now exist. Play with your words! The first draft is never the final draft!

In lines 5 and 6, I would inject some high vocabulary word in there, so your stanza does not end in a stump-ish way. Don't let it just end, give it a little flourish (except for the first and last stanzas!).

The second stanza is still kind of choppy, and although this poem is about dancing and repetition is a method used in literature for the author to get his/her point across, refrain from sounding redundant.

My overall advice to you would be to use stronger vocabulary, incorporate imagery, and focus on one central emotion.

If you have any questions or need any more advice, I am always free to talk!

Hi there! So I definitely applaud you on expressing yourself, it's obvious that you're trying to let loose through writing which is really, really great. But, I'm here to give you some tips!

So, I would try to be a bit more on-topic in your poetry; I know this sounds weird, but picking a type of emotion to really, really express makes your writing super strong. Things like including your name at the end and talking about all of these things you do to let loose some of the anger was a bit odd to me. Maybe address that you have several different ways toward the beginning of the poem instead of just mentioning song and then we'll be looking forward to hearing about the other things instead of confused when it happens.

Also! I would try incorporating some imagery. Imagery is when you describe something, often times through simple things like adjectives, ideas, and scenes, which you've done, but I personally prefer similes and metaphors. Including these sorts of things can make your writing super engaging and make us think of normal things in a different, and interesting way, which makes poetry really fun.

Anywho, that's all I've got for now. Let me know if you have any questions and I'd be more than happy to talk about it with you.