Shine bright, deep in the night,
Telling of hero glory.
Dark skies, high up above me
Shining on battles gory.
I have seen the ways of the warrior
I have seen the bravery at heart
I know that I can face my enemies
If I just give it time
Time
Nightmares, of the past
Knowing I am not wiser
Battles have been fought here
It doesn't make me braver.
Knowing that I am, too, a warrior
That I wield the battle shield
Knowing that with all the proper training
The battle cry shall be mine
The battle cry shall be mine!
----'--,--,--'@ TBR
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139,464 Literary Works • 672,570 Reviews
It did move too fast, but i liked it, probably because it was about a warrior.
You're one harsh hard-ass don't you know that?
There is some parts where I wanna say, SHUT UP. But there are also some parts where the poem has some potential. Like in:
Nightmares, of the past
Knowing I am not wiser
Telling of hero glory.
But some parts you kind of sound like a six year old.. i know you can do better than that.. like in these parts:
Knowing that with all the proper training
I have seen the ways of the warrior
I have seen the bravery at heart
I know that I can face my enemies
Keep on working on it.
WOW THIS IS SO OLD NOBODY HAS SEEN IT IN MONTHS!!!
I'm not so sure about flow, but I enjoyed this, I really did.
I don't think it jumped around too much.
Not so sure if this stranza fits with the style of the rest of the poem, I'm no poetry expert, maybe it'd fit better if you used
"I've seen the ways of the warrior
I've seen bravery at heart..."
Is that better? Or is it worse in different ways? Anyway, maybe some subtle changes there.
I like this bit! So true ... just because it's been done before, doesn't mean it's easy!
PS, I voted "You do not need to learn how to wright." Well, in actual fact no one knows everything about writing, so you still have things to learn, but it was the closest I could vote to "I like this poem" so I voted it anyway.
I felt like this poem didn't really flow--and it was constantly going on to new subjects and not necessarily sticking with one thing.
I liked this part, though. I don't think I would have written it this way, but it was interesting.