Untitled Questioning

Well... sometimes if you add more things to it, you lose any creativity from the reader.

You definitely need to add things into this.

ACK IT SOUNDS LIKE SIMPLE PLAN!

*runs and hides*

Hehe...just kidding. It was actually quite good.

Like your role models, Simple Plan, you like to use the word 'pain' a lot. GET RID OF IT! Use different things like 'hurt'. Pain is just...blech.

'will anybody save me now?'

You just pleaded with someone to come and find you. I wouldn't overdo it, or they might get annoyed and decide to leave you here. Maybe come up with something about waiting...or impatience...or something along those lines. It's a great last line, it just doesn't really work with this particular poem.

'and once again
i'm lonley
asking for guidence through the dark'

AW M'GOD I LOVED THAT LINE. Teehe. Just had to say that...but honestly, I did.

I agree that it needs to grow. Show more detail of the abstracts you are trying to reach.
But I like the idea there are questions the reader must ask to understand.

I'm no good at poetry, but I'll try to help.

This is what your poem reminds me of:

once again
I'm praying to you
and i promised to stay away
but the pain is unbearable
and the origin unknown.

It reminds me of a really really really sucky time in my life where I was totally alone (figuratively) and finally ended up praying to God, just because I felt so hopelessly lonely. Anyway, during that prayer, I was in absolute tears and I felt completely mortified (though I was alone when I did it) because I didn't know why I felt lonely, but the ache was there. And, before that I had never really cared about religion or God before.

once again
i'm thinking of the past
and what did I do
did I earn this pain alone
or was is brought to me?

Eh... same thing. Gah. Me, being the stupid girl I was, asked God for the wisdom to sort out my dire sitation, and I realized that I was the one to blame. Of course, it wasn't totally my fault, but I had screwed up big time, and I knew it. Which made it that much more heart-wrenching.

and once again
i'm lonley
asking for guidence through the dark
can you please seek me out
and then return me to me?

Same thing. Geez... this poem brings back bad bad memories. I remember, once I realized that I was at fault, I prayed for guidance and I promised that whatever happened would happen, and I would not hold any grudges on the people involved. Not because I was happy about the situation, mind you, but I realized that the people involved in that problem really did love me and wanted the best for me. And to exclude the ones who love you from your life? No, no, no...

But that was an extremely hard decision to make... to lay down your life in the hands of people who, though they love you, might choose the worst path for you. It really really hurt to do it. I have to say, that was probably the worst thing I had to go through in my life.

will anybody save me now?

When your whole life hinges on a decision like that; when you're not sure whether what will happen will turn out for the better or worse, it tears you apart and makes you wonder if even God listens. And, when the whole world seems to turn against you, if God won't listen, who will?

Yeah... I was planning on that... But... I can't think... HELP.

I'd say that this is a good skeleton for something bigger. Expand on it, use images and mataphores, etc.

Thats not bad. But what it aboot