A passionate rose,
Red
you bear upon me.
I beg of you to
Withstand my charms,
withstand my curse.
I am forbidding this love
For you are not him.
The moonlight is upon me.
Alas in the midnight,
Alas in the blue fields
Alas in the arms of my cherished
Yet, I heed my other heart
Saying to go back to you.
Somehow I know I must not
Return to your eyes
For the emotions will shatter
The lies wil be unveiled
And truth be told,
I will be left in the dusk
My heart split in two.
Cut into dark and light.
Wanting, yet, getting what?
Needing the desire to be fulfilled,
but which one shall fill that prophecy?
Which one shall I turn to?
Which one shall I love?
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139,464 Literary Works • 672,570 Reviews
I really liked your poem. I could relate to it, but I got confused. I didn't exactly understand why you used all of the, excuse the term, "old" words, for example alas and shall. I mean, I understand where you were going but I don't exactly understand how it fits.
I liked the first line a lot, it rolled into the rest of you not taking him.
How you phrased some of your sentences I didn't completely understand what you were trying to say.
Overall it was really good and you should definitely keep writing.
Can't Wait For More,
Cally
this has been posted years ago but i find it nice!good enough!
I've read it Liz, and yes i am going through all your poetery, only because some of it good and because i love you so much.
This one is very old as well.. it has improved... read it!!!
This was soppy and not to my liking--at all. Understand, it was well written, for the most part (but we'll talk about that in a minute), but what really got me was your lack of imagery. A poem cannot be a poem without imagery. You give the ambiance to the reader, but not resounding, concrete image to back up the echo in my ear.
The word choice was good for this poem, if you like that sort of thing. The repetition was not at max and I really wasn't impressed with it at all. I think you could've left out the repetition and gotten a stronger sensation out of your reader. I personally hate most poems that use words like "alas" and "for this is he" sentence-type structure, because it reminds me of someone trying to imitate Shakespearean drama (God knows why someone would want to imitate him). I could understand if a piece was satirical, but this gave no evidence of such a meaning. You need to use power words and power images to get your readers engaged in your poetry. Otherwise, you'll wind up like Shakespeare, dead and famous.
Very good..There could be a bit more meaning, but nevertheless, good
Should probably be changed to:
Fore I am with he.
Anyway, I didn't think at first that I would like this at all, especially because of the title.
It wasn't necessarily deep, which I prefer, but I remember what I was writing at thirteen, and it was nothing at all like this. Great job, Liz.
Hey! Hey! I do believe I'm the first to reply to your poem. Anyway. it's very good. Well written. And well... Good? I honestly am bad at replying.
I'm sure you all want to know why I wrote this. Let me tell you and Im sorry for the fact the size didn't change... I don't know what I did but I think I do know.
Anyway, I wrote this because I had a boyfriend but at the same time another boy I used to like liked me back. It turns out my boyfriend is the one I'm meant to be with.