---Based upon actual events, my actual expierence. It's a bit morbid actually, you might find it cruel even. But, I mind not, comment on it. My friends found it hilarious. If not by just a chuckle...
The Youth At The Playground
Elizabeth Mathers
3-18-06
Save the youth? But tell me first
What is “youth”? Surprisingly though,
I might end it
Strike the sun, upon the playground
Swings and slides twisting in and out
Within each another, causing accidents
Cuts, scrapes, and the occasional “owie.”
Focus on the two young boys
Cursing up to high heaven and beyond.
“I said fucken push me on the swing damnit!
And curiosity strikes me as I wonder
Of influences and parents and ages
How has it affected that young boy so?
“How old are you?” kindly I ask,
Expecting nothing to just one word
But instead I receive a rude push
“I’m fucken nine years old bitch lady!”
My head spun, my heart broke
Truly I was dreaming? – but no, I wasn’t
If had not been, this epiphany,
If not awoken the rage inside me
I would not be ready
I hand my chips over to my friend
And I jump for that boy
I know not his name or the fear he felt
But what I felt was that teacher ambition
And he had to learn it
I tackle him into the snow, inches from sharp gravel
I shove his face into the snow, gloveless
But do not call me heartless, I yelled at him a lesson
And through his muffled screams, he heard me
“You watch what you say!
Where are your manners? First
You dare to yell at my brother and my friend
They don’t know you it seems!
Where are your manners?
What happened, did your parents not teach you anything!
Respect the elders! I don’t care how old, older than you
Because they brought you here and will take you out!
And you better learn manners boy!
I’m being nice to you now!”
And my fingers come undone in his hair
His face pops out of the snow
He runs over to the swings,
Angry, beaten, but thinking still
And I hope he learned his lesson,
Because if I see him again
If I hear of him talking like a drunk
I will return and get him
I will return and stabilize the youth
I will change lives by force
And if one more boy calls me a bitch
They’re going down harder,
With the force and lesson ten fold
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Canary word: Present
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125,013 Literary Works • 672,842 Reviews
the lesson was a bit long winded. i would cut it down.
owie? sort of draws from the poem? i mean, it does fit, but in an awkward way, placed so noticably at the end of a line.
and trust me, i don't disagree that there is many corrupted youth but i feel that beating the crap out of nine year old was a bit of a rash way to operate, but i mean you no insult as i've been likewise tempted. i suppose i shouldn't be commenting on the subject matter, anyway, but more on the poem. it happens to be your usual style and i'm glad you refrain from trying to morph to "better" yourself.
Ah! I enjoyed this...I will admit that it could have been expressed better, but the thing I liked was the truly original subject of the poem. Honestly never read anything like it...and I like that.
Brian
AH i like the content but not the words. Or are content and words the same thing? Alas i do not know.
Point is I like the plot. I have a little brother maybe you have seen his 2nd grade romantic or whatever it is called. But anyway he knows all the bad words but i smack him (don't worry lightly) whenever he uses them outside of his writing. I wonder where he learned them...
I would have done the same thing-after all i babysit. Literally.
I need to write a poem like this so I get a hug from an older male writer.
Heehee...
I think the "lesson" the narrator gave the boy was a little long-winded and everything, but I especially liked the first part of the poem. As I've said before (you're probably sick of me saying it) you have a nice flow with words that makes your work especially pleasant to read, though I may not comment on it all the time.
Right thing? Honestly, I tackled a bloody nine year old...
How much RIGHTER can I get?!
Whoa that great Liz. You did the right thing i'm sure.
*hem* No. The hug was for a job well done, regardless of what was in the poem.
*Hugs back*
In order to get more hugs from older male writers must I beat up another youth who doesn't respect the elders? Haha!
This has good flow nad word use. I liked the metephores 'n' stuff. (me being descriptive of my most deeperist thoughts and feelings)
Good Job. You've earned a hug. *hug*