[rated the way it was because this is even confusing for me, i'd like to see somebody understand it. it is mostly a ramble anyway and i don't care about grammar but go ahead and be baffled by my un-wordiness....]
fight it
fight it
F-i-tuh i-tuh
or else
I go take a barefoot walk in the neighborhood
against myself and the cold sidewalk
So walk in the street if the sidewalk's ice!
st-uh-reet
it's much warmer where the cars drive
where you're likely to get hurt
by a 2 ton metal monster in control of a piece of drunk flesh
Why?
Walk against the cement, damn you
walk against the world
And I run to Roy for help
yes... run, but he didn't see me
Couldn't hear me, and he pulled away
bye bye Roy, can somebody still save me?
And I wait
wuh-aaa-tuh
an hour shadowed by that smokey smell
and his cat, Star poundin' against the window to see me
I think
I need to get this stright in my head
[I wonder if my family misses me]
In broken sticks and a rubber band I leave a note
ROY I NEED HELP
Huh-elp
and i walk home in the sunset
and then i realize i can't run away from home
I just can't
Huh-o-meh
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140,552 Literary Works • 673,422 Reviews
I liked it. It made almost-sense in a very weird way. For some reason it was really interesting.
Omyoghs...
*Omygosh. That was...weird. I couldn't really keep up--nor did I get. Like Jack said, you try and work on making it have more sense to it.
Yep, that was...not your best Liz. It seemed like something that was put together in 2 minutes. If you had taken more time on it and adjusted the pace and lengthiness of it better, it would have been just fine. Like I said, not your best, and I know you could've done better.
If you made this make more sense, but kept the pace, I think it could work pretty well.
Very fast moving, weird but intresting