z

Young Writers Society



Who

by Elizabeth


Who is that half-assed lazy girl
Walking down the hallway
Walking over my friends and I
My life?
Who is that scrawny bitch
That looks underfed and has fake horse tail hair
With that two timing smile
With the ego that shouldn't be there?
Who is this naive little fool
That just turned twelve
And might as well be dead because
We are all better off without her near
Around us, talking about us
Why won't she leave me alone?
Why won't she just leave us all alone?


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



Random avatar

Points: 890
Reviews: 1160

Donate
Thu Jul 21, 2005 5:14 am
Elizabeth says...



With the bible engraved ego that shouldn't be there?:P that better? lol




User avatar
93 Reviews


Points: 890
Reviews: 93

Donate
Thu Jul 21, 2005 5:01 am
Ieatworms says...



Boy do I know that feeling. Good use of your anger. If I may make a suggestion:

[quote] With the ego that shouldn't be there? [/quote]

I'm sure you can craft a better phrase.




User avatar
657 Reviews


Points: 6523
Reviews: 657

Donate
Fri Jul 01, 2005 6:32 am
Jennafina says...



I can relate to this. There are quite a few people I know that fit your discription. Nothing wrong with a little healthy anger... :p




Random avatar

Points: 890
Reviews: 1160

Donate
Thu Jun 30, 2005 2:10 am
Elizabeth says...



Then there is none for you to be angry at me then is there?

man, fuck this, fuck you, fuck anger.

I mean seriously if you didn't like it you just had to say so. You could have said.

TBR I didnt like this and I dont' like anger. That is my reason.

But fuck me? seriously, you need to look and relook that over.




User avatar
205 Reviews


Points: 890
Reviews: 205

Donate
Thu Jun 30, 2005 2:02 am
PsyLynx wrote a review...



man, fuck this, fuck you, fuck anger. Mark Twain once said, "wisdom is the reward one gives themself for a lifetime of listening when they would rather have talked." I've been angry, and everyone has, and it's ugly. Randomly spouting it off doesn't exactly "make" it for us. The thing with Twain applies because once, I was angry at my parents and yelled at them (getting myself grounded, o' course) and then, I saw in my notebook, that two weeks earlier, I had written the truism, "Anger is only and always for the stupid." I had to catch my breath, because I had caught myself being incredibly stupid. Please catch yourself, and cool your jets. There is NEVER an excuse to be angry.




Random avatar

Points: 890
Reviews: 1160

Donate
Thu Jun 30, 2005 12:39 am
Elizabeth says...



Unique? her family that's what. Her mom wanted to be an accountant but she got the age of Eunice incorrect by a year which is why she just turned 12 in the 7th grade....




User avatar
488 Reviews


Points: 3941
Reviews: 488

Donate
Thu Jun 30, 2005 12:21 am
Meshugenah wrote a review...



I'm with Morgan on the dedication...

This was definately emothional, but I think you could put more into it. We all know the one person at school we would just like to strangle, but what makes her unique?

underfed and fake horse tail hair.. such a great image.




Random avatar

Points: 890
Reviews: 7

Donate
Tue Jun 28, 2005 6:01 am
McKnight says...



Well someone's pissy...nah I'm just kidding, I feel the same way about people. I don't agree with the person that said that the dedication was bad, I think it's awesome. It shows that you have a major hatred for that person.




User avatar
665 Reviews


Points: 6165
Reviews: 665

Donate
Sun Jun 19, 2005 11:28 am
Chevy wrote a review...



And might as well be dead because
We are all better off without her near
Around us, talking about us
Why won't she leave me alone?
Why won't shw just leave us all alone?

---Dedicated to Eunice, because I hate you with every whim in my sanity---

It was great until that^. It would have been nice if you just left us wondering who the person was. I liked it until you started talking about "her." It just made it a little impersonal and an uncomfortable read. Perhaps you should alter the end...and put who it was dedicated to...somewhere else.




User avatar
78 Reviews


Points: 890
Reviews: 78

Donate
Tue Jun 14, 2005 6:01 pm
Soyala Amaya wrote a review...



First off...THREAD BUMP! Sheesh, thread bumps piss me off. I'm only going to actually reply to this because I think someone needs too...Bitch much? That's all I get from this. Too short to handle more than one cuss word, too blunt to really put out the emotion I think you want, and too personal adding a name at the end there after not putting it in the poem. In other words; high school drama that has no place here.




Random avatar

Points: 890
Reviews: 1160

Donate
Mon Jun 13, 2005 12:26 am
Elizabeth says...



WHA nobody else posted on this, why doesn't any of the people who know my check this out? CHECK IT OUT!!!




User avatar
263 Reviews


Points: 890
Reviews: 263

Donate
Fri Mar 25, 2005 10:09 am
Lollipop says...



I thought this was really good. Good description and emotion. :lol:




User avatar
172 Reviews


Points: 890
Reviews: 172

Donate
Fri Mar 25, 2005 4:28 am
Shadow Knight says...



I see. Not too bad, this doesn't appeal to me though, lets see what everyone else thinks.





'This must be Thursday,' said Arthur to himself, sinking low over his beer. 'I never could get the hang of Thursdays.'
— Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy