Lettin' Go

YAY! Thank you for commenting on this!
I am very proud of this.

Thank you.
I'd like to thank all the people I accidentally and purposefully stepped on to get here. YOu all mean so much to me! :teary eyed: :accepts my award:

I really liked this. Wish I could give something more constructive, but I'm pretty much incapable of that when it comes to poetry.

My favorite lines were:

Why don't I . . .
just lie down for a bit to
remember
what's left to forget

and

you deserve what you got
[dinner was served]
but not what you have

I like it, it's very strong. You express you emotions well.

WHY DON'T YOU PEOPLE CRITIQUE THIS?!

OK I edited this one.... FINALLY!
No more one worded lines
A new line with brackets... [] these things... []

And yeah, there I go, enjoy now world.

-Elizabeth

PEACHY KEEN...tehee...LIZ LAY OFF THE SUDAFED!

Things Sam Liked About This:

1. Unlike Brad, I really liked separating the 'I's. Very spiffy. Although, it did slow down the poem. I'd try to find a way to balance it out.

2. Loved the last two lines. But, again, with Brad, I didn't even notice them. Really combine lines and make the poem go faster up 'till the end, since it's very spiffy. You want to show it off.

3. Your icon. *drools* He's hot.

I don't know how to explain what reaction this poem gave me, it was refreshing almost. I like the format very much. And the ending:

"Goodnight memories
Wake up clear as crystal
Peachy keen
But will the world be ready

Will it be ready?
for my yesterday today?"

I don't know why I like the ending so much but I do. This was a good poem. Different kind of format then i've read but good.

some ideas are kinda fresh and interesting but i also found a few stanzas a bit trite. i think it would be a pretty good poem if they were all brought to the same level of sophistication. I also think the one word lines are taking away from the poem. I think if you instead allowed the three words to become one line it woudl be better. I tried reading it that way and thought it was an improvement.

yeah
last of me sadness in here
now i can focus on the happy

(OMG did brad actually comment here?? praise the God)
did i jus say ME sadness??

Intresting, Intresting, is this about Colton?

I like the format, thats cool. It sounds a little bit like an evenesence song, but its still really good. The only thing that seams a little out of place was the peachy keen line. It breaks the mood a little bit, maybe, I dunno.

Interesting. I'm not fond of the one-word lines: it isn't effective and you want your stanzas to taper down near the end. Why? It's visually appealing.

I think I saw some ideas in here that I've expressed before, but since I don't have the energy or the time to go find them...screw it.

The biggest problem here was impact. I can't even remember the second to last line. You want something that readers will remember; while this was fast and effective, it was not executed properly. Back up and start over.

Either way, pretty good stuff.

...tune in, turn on, and drop out...