I miss the times when I had friends
and could laugh at anything without caring
I miss my life before this change
And I miss talking to my "friends"
And when music ruled the lunch table
Nobody should drift so far apart so soon
But it happens. And it had to happen to us
and now I stand alone, awkward and unknown
It's not easy changing to begin with
But when it goes by faster than sound
The trials, the mountain of problems grows still
And it's harder to climb them, when at the end
Nobody is there to catch you when you fall
*Help, I want expansion*
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Hey Elizabeth,
I can relate to this...About a year ago, my family and I moved away from our hometown. Ever since I haven't been able to make any friends in my new hometown. I miss them so much.
"It's not easy changing to begin with
But when it goes by faster than sound
The trials, the mountain of problems grows still
And it's harder to climb them, when at the end
Nobody is there to catch you when you fall"
Oftentimes, I feel like that there is no one to catch me when I'm climbing up the mountain. I love how this poem can correlate to life and how hard it can gets to be with no friends. Well...now I visited my hometown a few weeks ago and I was able to reunite with most of my friends. I don't really feel alone anymore because I know that I have someone who is willing to help me and I'm willing to help her too.
Anyways, this poem doesn't really need an expansion at all. I like it just the way it is. It still serves a significant purpose. Little things can have a huge impact on many people's lives. Thanks you for this poem. Stay strong and don't ever stop writing.
-BornToBeGreat
Hey there folks. It's Jack. Doing another archive review of the before the green room times from my review drafts of 2018-2019.
The reason why I decided to proceed with this review is because the poster asked for help with expanding the poem. This is often something that I come across with the young writers on this site because they think that a longer poem is better. To me, it's actually better to try to confine yourself to a short amount of space and then just put all of your effort and emotion into those 1 or 3 stanzas. Longer is not better - what matters is the content and the pull it has on its audience.
The other thing I want to discuss based off of this poem is the lack of punctuation, but they do have line breaks and they do capitalize the beginning of almost every line. I was always mixed on the use of punctuation when I was first breaking into poetry, beyond simple poetry. There really is a time and place for punctuation, and I think that this is a situation where a few commas and periods would help with the flow. Flow often seems to get skipped over in creative endeavors, and I would like to see more people working on their flow in combination with the content.
One thing that the poet here does very well at is sticking to their theme and anchor about "Friends". Readers can see a shift throughout the poem as they change their view of how they see the word friends and how the people in their life begin to shift. It creates a very heartbreaking, emotional connection for the audience because this is a poem where most of the people on yws can probably relate to it.
So I think that's all I have to say for this poem on the overall, and even if it doesn't help the original author much, I hope it will help someone who comes across this review.
Happy February.
- Jack
Aww. *huggles* Hey buddy! I missed you!
... At least... I think you are my buddy, buddy!
wow, that is so true, to me it seems, but i think thats fine and you dont need any expansion , wow