The flames were spreading
All over the picket fence and touched the house
It slid up the side and reached the tree above
The tree was damp but still caught fire
What was I doing?
I gaze at the flame and I know nothing can stop it
Not even the rain
It is on the tree. I hear thunderous creaking
A loud boom
A branch smashed into the house
Knocking over my only childhood
Smashing my old memories
"NO!!!"
I run to the house and I take my coat off to smash the flames
"Help!" I shout but nobody hears me
I am ignoredand shunned
I smash the flames harder, more force than the gods
I call for help louder than any sound on earth
The house if burning rapidly
The tree is crying solemnly
I hear another crack and my eyes widen
I look up at the tree it's branch gives in
And the very last thing I see is that horrid gate.
Blazing in my after childhood confusion
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,013 Literary Works • 672,842 Reviews
Sam. You are 12.
And EBM, just because I am at a lack for inspiration I'll consider making this into a short story.
Not now though, class is almost over... but soon I will...
Up next, Geometry and then English. I might write in English.
YAY ENGRISH!!!
And I did that on purpose.
Hey, that *was* pretty good. It wasn't horrid, it was just pretty choppy. It would make a great short story, though.
Woah, that's really good for twelve...though what the blip do I know about that? Hehe, I liked it anyway.
I've read this through three times and I still don't get it. But I think that's just cause I'm sick and my mind is totally not working worth anything right now. But from what I got of it, I liked it, and it definately sounded good.
I actually enjoyed this. It was very interesting and really intrigued me. The only things I didn't like were your usage of the word 'smashed'. I'm sorry, but 'smashed the flames'.... it sounds really weird in my opinion.
I liked your line 'knocking over my only childhood'... beautiful
The last thing that I caught was that you combined words 'ignored and' in
Besides that, I thought this was pretty good. Nice job
Done and done... whew... damn, i didn't notice how long it was before.. pointless before even.... thanks XD
Ugh, I just posted a really long thing then accidentally deleted it. So I'll make it short: With a lot of revision, some line splitting, and correction of spelling errors, there's hope for this poem. You could also make a different but much better poem by cutting off everything above "The flames were spreading."
It could also make a good short story.