Hmmm.. Your poem sounds more apologetic than apreciative... With bitter undertones.. Poor daddy. Ouch.
z
Dad
If you weren't here for me
I wouldn't know I was pretty
Or smart
Or a good girl
Dad,
If it wasn't for you
I wouldn't be the girl I am today
Molded into an obidient hard rock
Just like you intended
Dad,
For all the times I whined
For all the times I cried
For all those times I threw fits
I want to thank you for standing by me
Dad,
For all the yelling
For all the screaming, grounding,
Disipline and rules I hated bound to me
I thank you
Dad, I love you
Hmmm.. Your poem sounds more apologetic than apreciative... With bitter undertones.. Poor daddy. Ouch.
A very excellent piece, it really brings out the fact of affection for your father. Now if only I could say that about my father....pshhh yeah right!
Nice poem Liz....you have the skills to be a good writer...which is one thing I don't quite have but I am about to leave to head home to Minnesota so I will call you when I get back. Tell Lucier I said Hi
Over all... nice job. I really liked most of it...
"Dad,
For all the times I whined
For all the times I cried
For all those little toys I wanted
I want to thank you for standing by me"
The line "For all those little toys I wanted" doesn't really seem to fit into this stanza in my mind.
And I think that you could have done entirely without the last line and just left it at a thank you, but that's just me.
I really enjoyed reading this.
Well some parents like their kids to be GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD :nudge nudge: Fidel Castro? Should I tell my dad you're being mean/nice to him? I don't know which one.
'Molded into an obidient hard rock
Just like you intended'
Uhm...woah. This is not exactly a way to show respect to your Daddy-O, if you get what I mean. He probably doesn't want to be likened to Fidel Castro, don't you think? Lol. Good stuff, man.
Points: 6523
Reviews: 657
Donate