Suck-ass comeback to whatever I used to do...
Something I might never do again...
HOW CAN YOU SAY I WAS EVEN CONSIDERABLY GOOD AT THIS WHEN I WASN'T? I CAN'T! I CAN'T WRITE!
Hey...
What's up?
Nothing much here
Wanna hang out later today?
Alright...
I'll check up with you tomorrow then...?
You won't be there tomorrow?
What about Saturday?
Alright...
A discouraged look crosses over my face
As I come to realize that there is nothing
Nothing filling the mile distance of wires
All tangled up in each another like shared secrets
like the dialing numbers, and the raspy phone voices
So, like, what about like, next Saturday?
There is the great movie playin' at the...
Oh, busy too?
Well, ehm, what about Tuesday?
Aww, don't tell me you're busy too....
If you're ignoring me, avoiding me
You're not doing a very good job
The least you could do is hang up right now....
But you don't and I want to know why
Why, tell me please, I'll die not knowing it
I try to get closer to you, but there's too much in between
For all I know there could even be another girl in your life
If it's true, why won't you tell me?
We've been friends since day one
So why end sharing secrets now? Why ignore me?
Why can't you trust me again?
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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139,464 Literary Works • 672,570 Reviews
There, I added another line in the poem which might make it clearer as to the:
For all I know there could even be another girl in your life
But we've been friends since day one
It might clear it up a bit more.
(And if it didn't then I'm tryingt o like get to the fact, the narrarot likes the person on the other line, who has moved, and been untruthful and blah balh blah I need coffee...)
I like it. I think I've thought almost exactly the same things in the past.
The only thing I'm not sure about is this line:
For all I know there could even be another girl in your life
But we've been friends since day one
are they just friends or what?
Thanks...
I like it, it kept me hooked all throughout the poem. It's what many teens our ages go through during adolescence and after that too. Very cool.
I liked it. Quite original from what I've seen. I liked how you hear only one side of the conversation and then the thoughts from them about it. Very cool. I thought this was very good. Keep posting!
Okay not bad but it was confusing or maybe that was me well hope it is just me.