They don't go together, generally... They're all depressing and morbid though.
So read... or die.
... I can't stay away from writing forever...
EDIT: Why isn't the underline working?!?!
EDIT AFTER FIRST EDIT: There we go... EDITED POEM 2
The Sadness of the Crossing Sign
It’s passing time when the sign turns green
with envy, because we, below, can walk the street.
In ten seconds there’s no difference
for you, green one, because nobody will take you from your post.
Your blinking dreams will wash away
Like chalk masterpieces in the New York rain.
The Deceived Boy with Nothing at All
In the darker side of the city, where not even scum will go,
there lay a boy upon the ground. He clutches onto dear life,
envisioning a life of riches, fabricated from tales of the vagabonds.
There lay the boy with the broken dreams, not knowing,
not seeing, what his life could have been.
At least, he thinks, I will die with something.
He loses life’s game, and is consumed by the snowfall.
Music’s Only Survival Tactic
The song unwritten, that’s what it was.
A tune never struck to a guitar or drum and
words never emphasized with a voice's passion.
Piles of paper with inked notes and dusty instruments lay there
waiting. Music always waits for people to pick up the beat,
singing above the stomping bass, swinging to the motion of the wind.
In the rage of blue strobe lights and hollering fans
is where you’ll find that miracle.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,013 Literary Works • 672,842 Reviews
This is a little wordy and I would probably trim the words a little. Maybe "walk the street" instead of "walk across the street."
This not only is wordy but pretty confusing as well. I mean, really... "of a creator." Yeah. Not succinct. Maybe "Like chalk masterpieces in a New York rain." A little more brief and to the point. Otherwise, I like the personification. This is probably my favorite poem of the three.
#
This beginning seems too sing-songish for the rest of the poem. This makes it seem weird because you're expecting something completely different than what you get. So you're either going to want to work on this line, or scrape the rest of the poem and rewrite it.
But I don't know... I don't really like this one. It seems too preachy for me. *shrugs*
Moving on!
I read that first as lead, as in pencil lead. Or something. You might want to reword that line for a quirkier effect to bring in the double meanings more.
Don't know if this is intentional, but "beat" and "feet" rhyme. I don't quite like the rhyme, actually. The thesaurus is your friend here!
I liked the rest though... just those three lines I guess.
Okay, now the good stuff. I did like it on the whole. Number 2 was the weakest one for me because it was so cliched, but I liked how you talked about music and a street light in an interesting voice. My favorite is the first one because of the oddity of the streetlight being made in a poem and the points it made, without being preaching as in #2 , but there you go.
Anyway, I hope this critique has been somewhat informative...
Yeah this one is the best for me.
This one is good too but eager to see it after u work on it a bit.
This once last two lines are my favs.
Well done!
*Ani feels jealous*
Auh! She gets to be your new best buddy?! No fair! *sniff*
*huggles* You're my new best buddy.
I'll work a bit more on the second one... *thinks*
They were pretty
I can't say much about them sadly.
I think I liked the last one the most, those last two lines were catchy. But they were all good to read.
Er, yeah. *has nothing to say about them* Keep it up? Certainly.
I liked the first one as well, and I'd say I liked the middle one the least, but that'd be lying because I liked all of them, really.
I'll stop rambling now.