with envy, because we, below, can walk across the street.
This is a little wordy and I would probably trim the words a little. Maybe "walk the street" instead of "walk across the street."
Like chalk masterpieces of a creator in the New York rain.
This not only is wordy but pretty confusing as well. I mean, really... "of a creator." Yeah. Not succinct. Maybe "Like chalk masterpieces in a New York rain." A little more brief and to the point. Otherwise, I like the personification. This is probably my favorite poem of the three.
#
In the darker side of the city, where not even scum will go,
This beginning seems too sing-songish for the rest of the poem. This makes it seem weird because you're expecting something completely different than what you get. So you're either going to want to work on this line, or scrape the rest of the poem and rewrite it.
But I don't know... I don't really like this one. It seems too preachy for me. *shrugs*
Moving on!
words never emphasized with a lead’s passion.
I read that first as lead, as in pencil lead. Or something. You might want to reword that line for a quirkier effect to bring in the double meanings more.
waiting. Music always waits for people to pick up the beat,
sing with the thumping feet,
Don't know if this is intentional, but "beat" and "feet" rhyme. I don't quite like the rhyme, actually. The thesaurus is your friend here!
I liked the rest though... just those three lines I guess.
Okay, now the good stuff. I did like it on the whole. Number 2 was the weakest one for me because it was so cliched, but I liked how you talked about music and a street light in an interesting voice. My favorite is the first one because of the oddity of the streetlight being made in a poem and the points it made, without being preaching as in #2 , but there you go.
Anyway, I hope this critique has been somewhat informative...
I can't say much about them sadly.
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Reviews: 3821
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