Wow, that was great. It really sounded like a pop/rock song from a girl artist. Really good, I liked it. A good, quick read that I really enjoyed.
The Black Rose wrote:You worry way too much about me
You care too much
I think this line is a little too short, and it just changes the whole perspective and flow of the poem. You should make it a bit longer.
The Black Rose wrote:You want control, yet you don't take it
Nice, very good line. Fitted right in.
The Black Rose wrote:You know I used to like you like that
I love this line. It fitted with the flow unusually well.
The Black Rose wrote:"I like you, yet not like that"
My pet peeve, or one of them, just kicked in. You used the same ending as the last line I commented on. I don't know why, but it just annoys me, and it might annoy many other readers, so you should take that in mind.
The Black Rose wrote:How are you? What is new?
One day will you say I love you?
Same thing again, you used you in the two lines subsequently. But the first line was really good, how it rhymed with the former sentence. I liked that.
Anyway, I liked that poem. I don't know why you say you are bad, that was very good.
Points: 5890
Reviews: 418
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