For Bazoo

by Elizabeth

Published March 18, 2005

In Poetry

You worry way too much about me
You care too much
You tell me to not do what I do
Yet tehere is nothing you have done
You want control, yet you don't take it

You know I used to like you like that
You made me feel complete
Somebody to have long talks with
But then one day you had to say
"I like you, yet not like that"
It broke my heart, a bit that cared
So now I have become bitter and I wonder....

How are you? What is new?
One day will you say I love you?
Will we grow old or maybe far apart?
Will we renew or friendship or
Is it all said and done?

Sometimes you care too much
Even though I know you should
We are 300 miles apart and now I know
We wouldn't ever meet
Talk voice to voice
Or caress each another in each anothers arms...

Comments & reviews · 3
electricbluemonkey wrote a review Review · Mar 19, 2005

Wow, that was great. It really sounded like a pop/rock song from a girl artist. Really good, I liked it. A good, quick read that I really enjoyed.

The Black Rose wrote:You worry way too much about me
You care too much


I think this line is a little too short, and it just changes the whole perspective and flow of the poem. You should make it a bit longer.

The Black Rose wrote:You want control, yet you don't take it


Nice, very good line. Fitted right in.

The Black Rose wrote:You know I used to like you like that


I love this line. It fitted with the flow unusually well.

The Black Rose wrote:"I like you, yet not like that"


My pet peeve, or one of them, just kicked in. You used the same ending as the last line I commented on. I don't know why, but it just annoys me, and it might annoy many other readers, so you should take that in mind.

The Black Rose wrote:How are you? What is new?
One day will you say I love you?


Same thing again, you used you in the two lines subsequently. But the first line was really good, how it rhymed with the former sentence. I liked that.

Anyway, I liked that poem. I don't know why you say you are bad, that was very good.

User avatar
Shadow Knight
Comment
Shadow Knight commented Comment · Mar 18, 2005

It's good.

"I like you yet not like that"
Put a comma in there "I like you, yet not like that"



Do. Or do not. There is no try.
— Yoda