(I need a new title, I need help, I need to stop writing poetry)
Every sunset I stroll on home
I close my eyes
Breathe in the darkness,
The silence of a thousand sorrows,
The cornucopia of eternal loneliness,
Then I open my eyes
I see the sunlight streaming in my face
I see the world green and blue
I can feel the warmth of a tender wind kiss
On my cheek in the summer evening
Walking home on dirt roads,
Covered with gravel and lies,
Scratching against the souls of my soles,
As the stars arrive in the midnight sky
Is a wondrous glory to behold
There have been many times I’ve been blind
Riding in that contraption with wheels
When I walk home though
On my special dirt road
I can take notice of everything
Of all the things I’ve nearly missed
The sunlight glowing radiant with orange-purple delight
The children of my neighborhood playing tag, carefree
Leaves on the trees as they are painted red and orange
These are only some of the spectacles I can make up for
None are more precious then the ones I’ve missed
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139,464 Literary Works • 672,570 Reviews
Cornucopia... Heh... Dumbledore, I presume is where you found the idea from kinda...
Love the poem, imagery, and agreeing with a few of the others, It just needs to be set up for best viewing...
oh my gosh hahaha, that is o funny. you actually printed it and worked on it. It's sweet... I'll take a look at it later... today is friday, lazy lizzy day
thought I would help you out with a proper crit. hope its legible enough.
CL
Mmm... agreeing with Brad, it's very choppy. I like the idea behind it, and the imagery used, but it seems you need to use stanzas a little more effectively.
Break up the ideas a little more so we can clearly see each one on its own. It's just a little too... compressed, for lack of a better word.
It's by no means 'bad', it just needs work with spacing and separating ideas.
You're very skilled at poetry, Elizabeth, so don't quit.
Never stop writing and you'll continue to learn.
it didn't quite take me long to notice. The only things he does compliment are probably that of his own teachings, am I correct? Probably not but still.... He said it was Kind of good... or not so bad, but still....
this was good, title umm i cant think of one, forget what incandesence said, he just likes to discurage people
i REALLY like this poem
i think it has had a lot of thought put into it
it must have taken you ages
well anyway, it's perfect so don't stop writing
Incessant pointlessness is a trait of your poetry. You certainly conform to postmodernism's regulations; that is, pointless and long-winded methodologies for saying "victory is tasted best by the loser."
This poem, of course, was no exception to those criterion. Your lack of visual stimuli (i.e. stanzas) make your poetry hard to read, and even harder for me to digest. Each line of this poem, particularly, starts a different thought and concludes with no real conclusion, only the end of words. I would presume you did not intend for this, though. Work on it.
You have good ideas - not good expressions. That will come with time, though.
very deep.I mean very deep.I like it and agree with the others.
Wow, nice TBR, very nice. Thats really deep. Thats great, and I can really see how you feel. I love all the figurative language you put in there. They worked out very well. (i.e. "I breathe in the darkness").
I like it TBR! Nice work... I don't think you need help by stop writing poetry.. You're a writer, a poet.. And a poet writes poems... They're your feelings... Just keep it up..
If you this was the intro for your poem, I like the intro a lot..
The end: .. I wonder, what are the things you've missed?
Write on ...
xxx Xia xxx