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Young Writers Society



Going Solo

by Chevy


It’s a sad commentary when you’re approached by a seven year old at the skating rink asking you, “You don’t have any friends, do you?”

I felt like strangling her. She was clearly the evidence of how pathetic I must have looked leaning up against the wall, playing with my hooded Fox Rider fleece, and watching everyone else have fun.

It wasn’t that I couldn’t skate or I had injured myself, I was just tired of going solo. Especially with all the big groups of friends and the couples lingering around. It was nothing but pain, when trying to figure out, how I had ended up so lonely.

The music thumped hard, causing the ground to shake. I despised the sound of rap music. Apparently, everyone else in the rink didn’t. I had thought about going up to the DJ, and asking him to at least play some Avril Lavigne or Maroon 5, anything would be better than the constant hollering of profane language pouring out of Lil’ John, or whoever-he-was’ mouth.

I shrunk down against the wall, tucking my hands in the pockets of my fleece, playing with the two or three guitar picks I always kept in my pocket. I had been skating since they had opened. Trying to make it through the maze of all the slow beginners and trying not to get knocked over by the guys going like sixty miles per hour. Even though I couldn’t go backwards, I was a decent skater—and I had a reputation for not stopping.

But not this time. I had stopped and hadn’t gone anywhere for a good while. Neither had I planned on getting up.

I watched the others skating. They weren’t just skating. They were dancing, laughing, singing, and talking with their friends. That’s what I had lacked. I had just skated. I didn’t talk to anyone or even carried a facial expression. I just moved along the big oval making my way through the occasional obstacles and getting shoved out of the way by all the people better than me. I was stuck in neutral. I was barely making it around the bend. Everyone else was holding on to a rope, while I was weakening my arms trying to keep up with a thread.

I banged my head on the wall behind me. My time on the skating rink hadn’t lasted long at all. You can’t stay in forever, when you’re going solo.


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Thu May 12, 2022 12:33 pm
KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

It’s a sad commentary when you’re approached by a seven year old at the skating rink asking you, “You don’t have any friends, do you?”

I felt like strangling her. She was clearly the evidence of how pathetic I must have looked leaning up against the wall, playing with my hooded Fox Rider fleece, and watching everyone else have fun.

It wasn’t that I couldn’t skate or I had injured myself, I was just tired of going solo. Especially with all the big groups of friends and the couples lingering around. It was nothing but pain, when trying to figure out, how I had ended up so lonely.


Okay well that's quite a strong reaction to start off on there. Not too often you see someone reacting like that to someone so young making a comment of that nature. It does certainly get your attention though because you get a good sense of where this person might be mentally to be thinking up something like that and the little bit of reflection there certainly helps out too.

The music thumped hard, causing the ground to shake. I despised the sound of rap music. Apparently, everyone else in the rink didn’t. I had thought about going up to the DJ, and asking him to at least play some Avril Lavigne or Maroon 5, anything would be better than the constant hollering of profane language pouring out of Lil’ John, or whoever-he-was’ mouth.

I shrunk down against the wall, tucking my hands in the pockets of my fleece, playing with the two or three guitar picks I always kept in my pocket. I had been skating since they had opened. Trying to make it through the maze of all the slow beginners and trying not to get knocked over by the guys going like sixty miles per hour. Even though I couldn’t go backwards, I was a decent skater—and I had a reputation for not stopping.


Well that's some more intriguing things spilling out there. I think you're doing a really solid job of constructing the personality of this person up pretty solidly here. There's also a very palpable bitterness which builds up from that comment at the start and then the thoughts here as well.

But not this time. I had stopped and hadn’t gone anywhere for a good while. Neither had I planned on getting up.

I watched the others skating. They weren’t just skating. They were dancing, laughing, singing, and talking with their friends. That’s what I had lacked. I had just skated. I didn’t talk to anyone or even carried a facial expression. I just moved along the big oval making my way through the occasional obstacles and getting shoved out of the way by all the people better than me. I was stuck in neutral. I was barely making it around the bend. Everyone else was holding on to a rope, while I was weakening my arms trying to keep up with a thread.

I banged my head on the wall behind me. My time on the skating rink hadn’t lasted long at all. You can’t stay in forever, when you’re going solo.


Okayy well given this is a short story not entirely sure where you were headed with that one. It seems a bit more on the random side of things as far as sort of plot goes given that there's not really much of a message either. It seems like its headed towards one but there's just a bit of an abrupt cut off and then it just doesn't quite go anywhere in the end.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




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Sat Sep 04, 2021 8:42 am
RandomTalks wrote a review...



Hey Chevy!

RandomTalks here with a short review!

I will mostly be sharing what I liked about this piece. And anyways, I did not find much fault in this to begin with.

I despised the sound of rap music. Apparently, everyone else in the rink didn’t.

I love how you have written the story like you have narrated his narrated his thoughts in the most realistic way possible. It feels like we are simply looking into the mind of this person for a moment, and navigating our way through his thoughts, even the trivial ones and the big ones.

I like how you have remained abstract throughout the piece. It makes him seem like just another person like you and me in the world instead of some character in a story. He has a strong voice and you have delivered it very strongly.

I was stuck in neutral. I was barely making it around the bend. Everyone else was holding on to a rope, while I was weakening my arms trying to keep up with a thread.

I loved everything about this paragraph. It contains such deep emotion and you can just feel his loneliness, his feeling of monotony with himself. It gives us the impression that this person is empty and does not really have anything good in his life that he is proud of. I also liked the imagery of the rope and the thread that you have used and I think it depicts a very real and common feeling that a lot of people can relate to.

Overall, I really liked this story. It was short, and abstract and realistic and I think you have portrayed something different here with your free and unique writing style.




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Thu Apr 03, 2008 10:31 pm
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ashleylee wrote a review...



This was good. I think you have a nice start here but maybe expanding this idea into something more signifigant might be a good idea.

I mean, I think it is good how it is now but you could make this into something GREAT!

Just tweeking it just a bit will help! :)




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Thu Apr 03, 2008 10:00 pm
lakegirls wrote a review...



Hi,
I really liked your story. It was a nice short read. I don't think I can say much else. I didn't see anything wrong with it. I liked the title and how you fitted the words into the end of your story.

I particularly liked this part:

Everyone else was holding on to a rope, while I was weakening my arms trying to keep up with a thread.


I like it. It's good imagery and it's true for a lot of people. You feel like you can't keep up with all the other people and your just on the end of a rope holding onto to with all your might but it doesn't work.

Good Job. Looking forward to more.

Love,
N




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Thu Apr 03, 2008 7:48 pm
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RandomGrrl says...



Yeah, I liked this, but just so you know, Roald Dahl wrote an autobiography called Going Solo... Not that it's relevant. Anyhow, the title caught my eye, and was perfect. I enjoyed the peice. Also, A Seperate Peace is one of my Faves!




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Wed Feb 02, 2005 6:34 pm
Rei says...



Yes, my dearie. You must explore this more. (I know I said I wouldn't join, but I want people to read what little short fiction I have, and maybe the first chapters of my novel.)




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Fri Jan 28, 2005 1:59 am
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Sam wrote a review...



I loved the comment about rap...so true, unfortuanately! :D I reallly, really liked this, it was very nice and it made you think, to say the least. No critique!

btw, Maroon 5 is from Lincoln. he he...my LA teacher knows the drummer...




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Wed Jan 26, 2005 1:22 pm
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Bobo says...



Sorry Emma, but it looks like someone beat ya to it...

Anyways, I like it too. It's short and to the point, and conveys the message well.




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Wed Jan 26, 2005 7:39 am
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Emma says...



Nice. I liked it! Mawahaha Im the first comment! And I love it... I also love your drawings.




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Wed Jan 26, 2005 7:38 am
hawk says...



I really liked this for some reason. it was short, light, well written, but you can't just leave it there, too much going on for such a tight ending (if it is finished). I think you should keep going for a while, see where you end up.





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