Burning and scorching me,
My skin is etching away,
Permanent scars and bruises will forever remain,
I try to prevent the flames,
But they continue to keep spreading,
Fire is nothing to play with,
But I’m already in it—and I can’t escape.
The fire is now spreading in a mountain over my head,
“How did I get in here?” I ask myself,
But an answer hasn’t yet come,
I may never find out,
I try to remember what I did—
Before this all took place.
But now I remember—but I can’t change the past—
The presence is here—
And I must walk through the fire.
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Canary word: Present
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137,609 Literary Works • 672,052 Reviews
The only thing off that I noticed is the third line: "Permanent scars and bruises will forever remain," the use of both "permanent" and "will forever remain" makes it somehow repeat itself, close to being redundant but not really that, though it doesn't matter much.
I liked it.
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I liked it.v
My only complaint is that you use a lot of punctuation at the ends of the lines, mainly commas. Usually, these are needed. But in some cases it can be disruptive, especially in freelance poetry.
I think it is good, but are you talking about a pyromaniac.
I definitely thought it was a good poem, however, maybe this is just me, but the dashes are annoying and don't seem to have any purpose. Also maybe you could change the second line to "My skin is etched away" or "etching my skin away". Also "But they continue to keep spreading" is wordy and kinda redundant. Either take out the "continue to" or the "to keep"
This is a great poem if you reword it a little.
I thought it was really good. You really love using analogies, and this is definitely the best you've used. It works out really well, and I like how you transform the fire at the end into an experience that is difficult to live through.
I would change this line though:
"The fire is now spreading in a mountain over my head, "
It should be rearranged into something different; perhaps "A mountain of fire over my head."
okay so yeah, i tried this non-rhyming thing and this is what i came up with.like i said, thats not my gift but if you could tell me what you think, i would greatly appreciate it.thankyou.