I open my mouth,
So that I may speak,
But words do not come out.
The feeling I feel inside,
Leaves me confused,
Self conscious, and alone.
I stand in the crowd,
They're living their lives around me,
I stand in the midst,
I am not able to speak,
Not able to walk,
Not able to talk,
Not able to live.
I stand in the crowd,
They're living their lives around me,
I stand in the midst,
Lonely,
And unnoticed.
Wow nice poem. I really like it! 
You perfectly captured 'loneliness', which arises in every human being at various situations.
your poem is short, but it's pretty descriptive. I managed to picture a person, with a confused face, standing in the middle of a crowd. This poem doesn't have a significant rhyming scheme, but it's flow is pretty good.
Good job and never stop writing!
Have a good day!!!
Wow nice poem. I really like it!
You perfectly captured 'loneliness', which arises in every human being at various situations.
your poem is short, but it's pretty descriptive. I managed to picture a person, with a confused face, standing in the middle of a crowd. This poem doesn't have a significant rhyming scheme, but it's flow is pretty good.
Good job and never stop writing!
Have a good day!!!
thanks guys....im not much of a poet, you know--im really trying--most of my poetry doesnt make a lot of sense and that leads me to say that i cant really give details as someone requested because the way i feel is so jumbled up...i can never get it out...the way i feel--locked up inside of me forever.
CarsandGuitars77 wrote:The feeling I feel inside,
. Keep it up!sure...deadly teapot is kinda...long. Hah..just like my real name. Except shorter? Teapots fine, loleth. Anyway...I agree..Details are good. Especially seemingly random ones like....er....wow. Red van. With a number 5 in the numberplate. Hah...I dunno. This isn't spam, I'm just hyper. And so yeah - details - good. 
mmm...i agree with teapot (can i call you that? lol) about the using similar words in the same line. plus, both of those lines kind of bored me a little. "the feeling i feel inside". you said "they leave me confused". lots of feelings leave us confused as human beings and i'm curious, maybe you could tell us why it's confusing you, or what makes this confusing feeling different from all the others. I think as a reader I'd really like to have a hint at which feeling you're talk about so I can have a better sense of the mood in your poem...mmm, i think that's it. I think basically I'd like to see a little more detail (detail's my favorite though, but as always, you're welcome to ignore me), you've got a great idea going here though!
I open my mouth,
So that I may speak,
But words do not come out.
The feeling I feel inside,
They're living their lives around me,
Not able to walk,
Not able to talk,
Not able to live.
I stand in the midst,
Lonely,
And unnoticed.
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