Sahjsa
-------------
there are too many knives,
sitting patiently
in the corner of a kitchen drawer.
the same tale of
teenage suicide unfolds
wrestling with Future
somewhere in Midnight's sky
the knife's in your hand.
you already know
slitting wrists has grown old
you reach down for its wooden handle
anyway
but why should you give kill yourself
when you've already
died inside?
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139,353 Literary Works • 672,540 Reviews
I thought this was ok. It was really depressing in my opinion and I think it could use some light at the end, but it was pretty good. Also, in the last stanza, I think you meant 'but why should you kill' instead of 'but why should you give kill'
I can't come up with cute little phrases to describe you anymore.
Like everyone else said, this was ok but you need to re-vamp it a little.
"but why should you give kill yourself
when you've already
died inside?"
I love this stanza. It sort of gave me the feeling that she had no where else go. That not even death was pleasing. Just re-vamp it and it will be great!
there are too many knives,
But it's still good, as far as I'm concerned.*
*
sitting patiently
in the corner of a kitchen drawer
*awww....I really liked this part. Don't change it at all! You almost make it sound like the knives are secret assassins, waiting for their prey...sweet!*
the same tale of
teenage suicide unfolds
wrestling with Future
somewhere in Midnight's sky
*I do like this stanza, all but the second line. I wish there was a less blunt way to put it.
the knife's in your hand.
you already know
slitting wrists has grown old
*I like this! It gives you such a vivid picture of a dark, messy bedroom, with a young girl-possibly with her long tresses in her face, cross legged, just waiting, and crying. Well, that's what I see.*
you reach down for its wooden handle
anyway
*sweet. It adds to the picture*
but why should you give kill yourself
when you've already
died inside?
*I love this part. It's totally awesome. And sad.*
Actually, I liked this poem, and I didn't expect to. It was actually really good, it just lacked feeling. You know? Maybe you should revamp it, but it's already fairly good as far as I'm concerned, it could just be better.
Hope that helped?
Erm...yea, you were right about the title. While an emotional topic, way to overdone, way to cliche, and very VERY hard to find a new way to portray it. I like the first image of the knives, but after that it just spiraled into the drab. Sorry babe. Try again, revamp it, find a new spin. Isn't that what poetry's all about?