Young Writers Society

thanks again--especially to brad--that really means something to me. maybe i'll write a poem today...

This:

darkness
also known as
the past.

Would be fine as:

darkness
also known
as the past

I think "lame" is a very good word for this poem, although you're grasping the concept of abstraction, which is a definite progression in your writing style, so just keep it up.

yeah, I thought it was kind of lame. . .meh. I just don't think that you had anything with it.

thanks a lot guys, even though if i could, i would trash this poem. there's so much to be done to it...i don't even know if i feel like it.

hmmm... Let's take a look... First of all, I have read some of your other stuff and this wasn't as good.... I will do a bit of critiquing here...

skeletons trapped
in the back of a closet
no one knows
they belong to you

up a narrow staircase
the back corner of a hall.
darkness
also known as
the past.

open the door
exposing every little thing
you thought was
gone
is all resting there...
waiting on you

no one knew a little
fifteen year old girl
could do this much damage
cause this much pain

but she...has.

while behind make-up she's hiding
skeletons that
are still there after
ten years

I agree with Firestarter. This poem isn't your best. I like the idea, but it's not expressed that great.

I still don't get it. I may just be stupid, but what? So...she murdered someone when she was 15, and now she's 25 and confronting her skeletons?

Line breaks were awful throughout the whole poem. Also the choice of stanzas.

now she's proven
innocent

twenty-five and moving on

I found the enjambement and choice of stanzas a little bad.

darkness
also known as
the past.