Wow thanks Sam. But God, it took me awhile to get the last stanza down as I recall.
Old Mad Tom laughs when little boys burn to death
and four-leaf clovers give him heart-ache.
his brother's name was Edgar;
a little boy who burned to death
east of Fields of Four-Leaf Clovers
where nothing's supposed to go wrong
Tom picks up his cigar every night
and as sweet smoke runs down
he can feel Edgar's pulse
thumping through his lungs
he chokes on the rain
that dampens the fire
that burns little boys
that causes him to laugh.
Well, the first line certainly grabbed my attention. Leapt straight into what you wanted to say, that was good. Loved the last stanza, it was like, he chokes on the stuff that stops the thing that makes him laugh happen. If that makes sense. Also, "where nothing's supposed to go wrong" in the second stanza, is good. Like the notion "you think it'll never happen to you" and "things like that don't happen around here, this is a peaceful town". Actually, the whole poem gave me the image of a farm out in the country. I imagined Old Mad Tom as a farmer. Okay, done with the analysing now 
BlackDaisy wrote:So sad... I like it though. I love the second stanza and where you made the smoke be Edgar's pulse.
So sad... I like it though. I love the second stanza and where you made the smoke be Edgar's pulse.
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