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by Chevy

I keep my head low,
Refusing to look ahead.
I walk in slow motion;
My speech is slurred.
I'm haunted by last March...
The things that happened last March...
But you don't understand,
That March changed my life.
And you don't understand,
That March haunts me.
You will never understand,
Because you don't see what's inside
You never will
It will always be inside
Never to escape.

But March still haunts me,
Never leaving me alone.
It's a womb that won't heal,
A nightmare that won't end.
And it's ruined my life forever.

~Based on a True Story~

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57 Reviews

Points: 4532
Reviews: 57

Sat Aug 08, 2009 7:08 am
VeraWinters wrote a review...

I like this, but it leaves a lot of unanswered Questions
You talk a lot about march. and how bad march is but what happened in march, that bothered me becauce it left me unfufiled, and it's important as a writer to leave the reader fuflied.
As far as I can pick up it's about alcohol because you said your words are slurred.
I highly recommend you to give some more detail, but don't overwrite.
Also the last line feels a bit cliched.
But lets get on to the good stuff.
It flows very nicely, you have a real talent in that area.
Your emotions are shown very Rawley and clearly, This concept is a bit hard to understand but you make it showm clearly, that is very important.
The concept is also a great. It can be well written but if the concept sucks than it drags down the work.
It sounds like you have made it effortlessly, and the talent comes naturally to you.
Beside some things this is a great piece, you have a lot of skill
keep writing like you mean it.

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137 Reviews

Points: 890
Reviews: 137

Sun Dec 12, 2004 1:55 pm
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Wulie wrote a review...

I really like it... 'Tis very good :)... sounds like march haunts you alot strange 'cause it does to me... Ironic I guess :roll:
:) love wu x

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321 Reviews

Points: 890
Reviews: 321

Sun Dec 12, 2004 4:09 am
Liz wrote a review...

good. i like the concept, and it was reasonably well-written. i also like the dark tone of it, but i think you could have added more. as it's a true story, why not add more personal imagery? that way the reader becomes more interested and you get more of a poetic quality.
however, i did like your themes and the mystery of the poem.

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48 Reviews

Points: 890
Reviews: 48

Fri Dec 10, 2004 10:23 pm
Myriadne says...

I find this to be rather overwritten. I really liked the first four lines, but after that the poem lost its rythm and began to get weighed down. Maybe you should try to show it rather than tell it. Just a thought.

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418 Reviews

Points: 5890
Reviews: 418

Fri Dec 10, 2004 10:15 pm
electricbluemonkey wrote a review...

Hmm...good poem...very good, it had a very nice flow, very, very nice, it just rolled off my tongue.

Although reading March a lot was a little intimidating. It seemed like a run on poem saying the same thing over and over again. But overall it was really good.

Umm...although I have no idea why March haunted the person...it was good. Kind of like a dark poem.

— soundofmind