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Young Writers Society

Not So Good

by Chevy

why does it matter
what goes on in your room
on the side of the bed
that no one sees?
does it matter
if you're alone
and writing of a suicide?
the ink spots the carpet,
and the floor is weaker here
your head's against the bed
and hands are trembling.
you don't know where it's going
when she knocks on your door
and says you broke something.

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665 Reviews

Points: 6165
Reviews: 665

Fri Jul 01, 2005 6:18 pm
Chevy says...

I've really been experimenting with a different kind of writing lately. Perhaps it wasn't such a good thing because now all of my poems remain a mystery and are empty.

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1259 Reviews

Points: 18178
Reviews: 1259

Fri Jul 01, 2005 6:13 pm
Firestarter says...

Too vague and proasic for my tastes. I have no idea who "she" is near the end. You don't make enough profound comments to make this strong at all, and nothing stuck with me.

akdsjfh you know that feeling where you start writing a scene but then you get bored with the scene so you move on and start writing a different scene and then you get bored with that scene so you move on to an entirely different WIP and then you get bored with that so you move on-
— AceassinOfTheMoon