z
  • Home

Young Writers Society



Life's Many Lessons

by Chevy


But there is no sun
No clear, cool sky.
Sometimes that happens.
Happiness,
Doesn't last a lifetime.
One of life's many lessons.


Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
915 Reviews

Points: 890
Reviews: 915

Donate
Sun Jan 02, 2005 9:30 pm
Incandescence says...



IM me later...but yeah, if I knew more about what the poem's aim was, I'd give better advice. At present, it appears to be a soft obviousness you point out gracefully. Then the trainwreck happens at the end. So yeah...




User avatar
418 Reviews

Points: 5890
Reviews: 418

Donate
Sun Jan 02, 2005 9:24 pm
electricbluemonkey wrote a review...



Hmm...I liked it altogether, and could understand what its saying, but it didn't really flow well. The last line just stuck out of the poem and didn't fit, but you couldn't get the title to fit if you didn't have that last line...so...I don't know what to say on that part. It was pretty good for a really short poem.




User avatar
915 Reviews

Points: 890
Reviews: 915

Donate
Sun Jan 02, 2005 9:08 pm
Incandescence wrote a review...



I'm not a fan of the last line. Seemed to trite a saying. I understand what it's saying, I think you could reword it and give the sense of being one of life's many lessons, as opposed to forthright statement of the obvious. Otherwise, I liked it. And I too am a fan of the opening but.




Random avatar

Points: 890
Reviews: 4

Donate
Thu Dec 30, 2004 9:01 pm
View Likes
Griffinwings says...



Yep, I'd agree with the above. It seems to have come straight from your mind, unaltered. Nice and pure. I like!




User avatar
85 Reviews

Points: 5890
Reviews: 85

Donate
Thu Dec 30, 2004 1:56 am
faith says...



i like the first line, like you're responding to a comment we can't hear. 'but' is one of my favorite ways to start a poem, actually, along with 'and'. probably because it breaks the rules hahaha




User avatar
558 Reviews

Points: 22481
Reviews: 558

Donate
Sun Dec 19, 2004 12:55 pm
Matt Bellamy wrote a review...



Not sure if I liked the poem itself, as in the subject, but I liked the way you wrote it as if it was the end of a thought you're not telling us about. And I liked the shortness. I liked "sometimes that happens". Don't know why. I generally like the way you wrote this. Good work.





This is a house of homes, a sacred place, by human passion made divinely sweet.
— Alfred Joyce Kilmer