This poem was written January 19, 2005 aka looooong time ago. I just felt like posting it.
It's kind of stupid though.
I dreaded all those hot summer days that never end.
But this one, I hadn’t minded if it would take forever.
I guess it was because of Travis.
I was sitting down at a picnic table with two loud girls,
Who had identified themselves as my friends,
There across from me he was sitting,
Eating a sandwich and drinking a Capri Sun,
It’s hard to believe I was in love in an instant.
I started talking to him-
He seemed to see straight through me with his light brown eyes,
It caused me to shudder and I almost felt like crying.
There was a light I saw in him, though.
One I can’t remember seeing in any other guy
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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Ahhh.... Romance what its like to be in love. Whats it like to be in young love... Well any love. I think you did a really good job with this. This poem took me back. I hope everything worked out okay.... I just saw this is from the early 2000s soo you might not see this but i liked reading this and your other work. Words and love and words about love are timeless so, I say great job on a timeless piece
Ps
I hate summer days
Yeah one day I'll turn it into a proper story because I never seem to forget this event. I always remember it so well.
Very straightforward indeed. Not bad, but it seemed to just be telling a story. I wasn't sure if you were trying to tell a story or drive home a point.
I did like it as a story though
Sweet. I kinda like this poem style- straightforward rather than using metaphors and everything so that people have to guess what you exactly mean. Not my favorite of poems (like I have one of those), but I rather like it.