Young Writers Society

I really liked this one! It was a perfect description of how most people have felt, or will feel, about someone in their life. I personally have felt this way and I must say, I'd rather have someone say this about me than the other way around. It was very well written and I'm excited to read more of your writings.

Nice lines. I like how you used repetition to make a point. I also agree with uniaeca about the "will" instead of "well."

Addicted to You is a great title.

I used to feel like that about a boy. His name was Keegan, and even though we carpooled together to choir, he never even knew I was alive.

thanks everybody for the comments--they're really helpful.
and brad, i'm going over it now and i will be revising it so everybody can tell me waht they think...but thanks for the advice--i appreciate it and it actually helps a lot. and these particular comments made me smile!!!
--morgan
p.s.

when the person speaks (are you On Fire?).

Well, Morgan, I must admit I'm thoroughly impressed. This is better than any combination of your suicidal poems. Point being that in death and suicidal poems, the plot doesn't go anywhere. All it does is epitomize the same feelings in every poem. Love, however, is a different experience for everyone, and everyone eventually experiences lust/love.

As for the poem, it's a great start, if nothing else. It lacks some much needed descriptions of what actually happens in the room, or when the person speaks (are you On Fire?). The repetition was not half-bad. 'Twasn't great, I'll concede, but it's better than some of the other attempts at redundancy in the other poems here. I think this overall is about a three out of five. You're describing an event, still, but you're getting much better at it.

Before I read something else of yours, I want you to sit down and spend two hours going over it (that includes a thesaurus, by the way). Seriously, I think you could have beautiful poetry if you could go back and fix things before you submit them. Write it and let it sit for about two hours, go back, spend an hour. Go to bed. Look at it some time the next day and revise it. Send it in for our critiquing, and revise it. Seriously, for me, the best advice (what little that is) has come from this site's members. If you look into yourself long enough you'll find the smog enshrouding your heart is nothing more than smog. You don't think about death and suicide 24/7, and you know it. I want you to keep up the good work, cadet.

You say - Because nothing you say we’ll change anything.

I think this is supposed to be 'Because nothing you say will change anything.'

Other than that I really liked it.

OK, this is a good poem and all, but you're pretty vague. What happens when he/she comes into the room? What happens when he/she speaks? I keep telling everybody's poem reminds me of a song but...*sigh* it's like that one by Evanescence or something like that... Well then it must be good if it's like a song on the radio, huh? *lol* I like how this person is persistent, and must have a lot of time on their hands if they are constantly persuing somebody who obviously doesn't care. It's like my friend...truly terrible with guys, I swear...