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peace and agony

by Chevy

her eager eye finds the the agony in peace
while her desperate heart finds the love in war

she's driven home by a lonely stranger
who offers her a few as they tread to her room

his pitiful alibi means nothing
when her white dress slips to the floor

one season later she is rocking the cradle
and her cry to the wind because the cry of a child

she's driven to the beach by a lonely stranger
who offers to put Johnny in his guitar case
and shove him into the ocean

his pitiful alibi means nothing
when their newborn baby floats pass the shore

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Points: 890
Reviews: 1160

Mon Sep 12, 2005 2:22 pm
Elizabeth wrote a review...

Yeah... to me it seems like
she and the guy who drove her did her and they had a child
but in the end she didn't want the kid so she did like moses mother and sent him down some body of water....
This is weird. Very weird....
Yeah, still very ambiguous though if you ask me.

it's like brad style though... Brad style's always like that.
but I still kinda liked it.
Don't feel bad heh... i'm not in my poetry reading or writing mood today or to-year.

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665 Reviews

Points: 6165
Reviews: 665

Mon Sep 12, 2005 2:14 pm
Chevy says...

It took me forever to make this clear...I guess I was still ambiguos.

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1259 Reviews

Points: 18178
Reviews: 1259

Sat Sep 10, 2005 8:58 pm
Firestarter wrote a review...

Too disconnected. There's no real feeling that any of the lines should be in the same poem. It sounds like you've tried to use hidden meanings but in the end it's too vague and too confusing. Add some more concrete images and words that the reader can relate too, and weave in these lines, and I think that would improve the poem a lot.

Perfection is lots of little things done well.
— Marco Pierre White