her eager eye finds the the agony in peace
while her desperate heart finds the love in war
she's driven home by a lonely stranger
who offers her a few as they tread to her room
his pitiful alibi means nothing
when her white dress slips to the floor
one season later she is rocking the cradle
and her cry to the wind because the cry of a child
she's driven to the beach by a lonely stranger
who offers to put Johnny in his guitar case
and shove him into the ocean
his pitiful alibi means nothing
when their newborn baby floats pass the shore
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139,353 Literary Works • 672,540 Reviews
Yeah... to me it seems like
she and the guy who drove her did her and they had a child
but in the end she didn't want the kid so she did like moses mother and sent him down some body of water....
This is weird. Very weird....
Yeah, still very ambiguous though if you ask me.
it's like brad style though... Brad style's always like that.
but I still kinda liked it.
Don't feel bad heh... i'm not in my poetry reading or writing mood today or to-year.
It took me forever to make this clear...I guess I was still ambiguos.
Too disconnected. There's no real feeling that any of the lines should be in the same poem. It sounds like you've tried to use hidden meanings but in the end it's too vague and too confusing. Add some more concrete images and words that the reader can relate too, and weave in these lines, and I think that would improve the poem a lot.