Young Writers Society

Fair enough, but it wasn't emotional/lyrical either, in my opinion.

Firestarter wrote:To be honest, this did nothing for me .

It just seemed to lack any sort of emotion, or profoundness. It looks like you tried too hard to make a poem be original, and ended up with something quite incomprehensible, or at least a little too vague. There's nothing dramatic about it and the last line annoys me.

Yeah, I love it. Especially the third stanza. I agree with most things Niteowl said, except I think

the stains in the satin
are showing in your face.

Is fine.

Brilliant!

To be honest, this did nothing for me .

It just seemed to lack any sort of emotion, or profoundness. It looks like you tried too hard to make a poem be original, and ended up with something quite incomprehensible, or at least a little too vague. There's nothing dramatic about it and the last line annoys me.

Thanks so much everyone...I'm glad people are starting to like my poems again. I guess I just went through an awkward stage at one point. I don't have Microsoft Word on my computer so I just have Word Pad and it doesn't have spell check and I always forget to do on here. Thanks Niteowl, for pointing the mistakes out.

Cool!!! Everyone else has said every i wasnted to say

This poem is good, but there are some little things that bug me.

"finised" should be "finished"

And I don't think "closed-eyes" should be hyphenated. Did you do that for effect or something?

"the stains in the satin
are showing in your face" The first "in" works, but I think "on" would make more sense because there aren't usually stains in your face.

Although, throwing in a little more punctuation wouldn't hurt.

I really liked this, especially the third stanza.

I REALLY REALLY LIKE THIS POEM!!! Sorry to wsound so vague, but Im not exactly sure what made me like it so much.. Its REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY GOOD!!!