Young Writers Society

Hello, JLC here! I know this work was posted a very long time ago. I know I shouldn't be reviewing it because it'll annoy someone.

But I also know that this deserves a like, and to be once again brought up! I've started reading older work posted on here to derive inspiration and get a sense of what this site used to be about. your work is definitely captivating.

This poem rolled off the tongue and was magnificent in every single way! Everything was properly punctuated and capitalized and flowed beautifully! I'd love to look back at some more of your old works and see how you as a writer has progressed.


With love, JLC

#800080 ">Good, but this doesn't have enough emotion. I think your character would feel so much more strongly about this. You just say it almost casually, as if you don't really care.How come my skin is brown?
And how come his is white?
How come of I disrespect him, #400080 ">If I.
He wants to start a fight? #800080 ">Good rhyming.

How come when I walk to school,
They laugh because I don't have a ride?
How come I'm mistreated at Ida's Diner? #400080 ">This line was too long, not very poetic.
And they toot their noses with pride? #400080 ">Toot? Weird choice of word.

How come Jesus died for us all,
And we just can't get along? #400080 ">Can't just runs more smoothly.
How come my skin is brown?
And that's what makes me sing this song.#400080 ">You should get a stronger ending. All in all, good job, good poem, just work on it some more. Hope I helped. And of course, keep writing!

Different, the first word I thought of when I started reading this piece was different. I do, however disagree with you; I truly loved this piece of work. My only major complaint, it was too short. I wanted to know more, see more, and most importantly feel more.

How come my skin is brown?
And how come his is white?

How come of I disrespect him,

And they toot their noses with pride?

Hi there!

I really like this poem. I don't know why, but I really like reading things about when blacks and whites weren't equal. Don't get me wrong, I'm not racist. I just feel like we need to learn from the past and what better way to do that than revisit it? I don't like the fact that there was racism in the United States, but it happened.

Anyway, this is a good poem. It rhymed well and had a definite rhythm to it. You put a lot of emotion into this and your imagery was good as well.

Overall I really enjoyed it. Keep writing!

I'm sorry in advance for the short comment.

First thing- I liked the message- but you could have done so much better in the poem writing.
I think you could write more than 3 stanzas.

Also- I don't mind religious, but if you're writing about a thing like the black man's oppression- you shouldn't involve jesus christ in the subject.

As I said- It's short.

Keep writing,
SubjectBlue

Hi there!

I think this poem has a lot of questions that everyone might be thinking about for racism. I too wonder why people treat eachother differently because they don't have the same colored skin. It confuses me! I really like how you wrote the poem. The stanzas are in good shape, in the poem flows smoothly. I really like this poem! Awesome job and keep it up!

- gleek456 <3

I think this poem is OK - it obviously has good intentions and the concept behind it is a good one, with a solid basis of emotion and great potential for poetic interpretation! That said, however, I, too, feel that the rhyme scheme is a bit forced, and the rhetorical questions dont flow very well. If you rewrote it, keeping the same ideas but rearranging the rhyme scheme (or even changing it to free verse) I reckon it could turn out great. Definitely seems like an early poem. Lots of potential though! I cant wait to see what you make of it.

the last line "and thats what makes me sing this song" sounds
a bit weird but apart from that i really like it! i agree w Myriadne,
maybe u shud try editing it & see what happens!!

This is interesting and has good intentions. However I do feel that the rhyme scheme is a bit forced, and the repetition of the rhetorical question does tire quickly. It feels like you wrote it when you were much younger. Maybe its time to give it a re-write as it does have a lot of potential.

I wrote this poem AGES ago..I personally don't think it's good, but if you could tell me what you think, I'd be glad to hear.