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Forever Hide

by Chevy


It’s not like anyone cares.
Or even see you there.
It’s not like anyone hears.
Or see in you in tears.
It’s not like anyone knows,
Because you don’t let it show.
All of it stays inside,
Away from the world; you hide.

No one knows what you see,
Or why you will never be free.
It’s you and the things that you feel inside.
And away from the world; you will forever hide


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Fri Feb 01, 2008 2:57 pm
LoveableLittleSock wrote a review...



It’s not like anyone cares.
Or (can)even see you there.
It’s not like anyone hears.
Or see(s) in you in (your) tears.
It’s not like anyone knows,
Because you don’t let it show.
All of it stays inside,
Away from the world; you hide.

No one knows what you see,
Or why you('ll) -will- never be free.
It’s you and the things that you feel inside.
And away from the world; you will forever hide

I liked this poem a lot. It relates to a lot of readers, and the rhyming scheme is practically perfect. What I added is what I thought would make the poem flow better :) You're an awesome poet. KEEP WRITING!




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Wed Jan 05, 2005 10:59 pm
-KayJuran- says...



i agree with sam - in lines 2 & 4, 'see'
should prob be changed to 'sees'.

of course thats up to you...




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Wed Jan 05, 2005 5:06 pm
Sam wrote a review...



Ya, I agree with both of them...:D Only crit would be 'see' in lines 2 and 4 should be 'sees'...Hey, I really liked it. Normally I don't care for rhyming poetry, but this one was good. And it reminds me of a really good song they play on the radio like twelve times a day. :D




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Wed Jan 05, 2005 3:57 pm
Firestarter says...



I really liked this poem, it has good rhythm throughout I believe.

Really good, thanks for sharing.




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Wed Jan 05, 2005 7:36 am
Incandescence wrote a review...



You had great rhythm first stanza; however, your second stanza leaves much to be desired. I'm not sure if I've said this before, but get away from death and suicidal tones in general. If nothing else, they're unhealthy for you. I mean, it's not hard to see why your poems fall in the average to above average section. You constantly write on the same topic.

"breathe, stretch, shake, and let it go."

I hate that song. God I hate that song.





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