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What Is This?

by Chevy


What is,
What is this?
Coming in my life,
And changing all that's here?
Miracles are happening
Transforming all the old to new.

What is,
What is this?


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Tue May 18, 2010 6:11 am
Nate says...



Guys, please look at the date.




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Tue May 18, 2010 5:59 am
Lil_Pau wrote a review...



Hi Chevy!

Short and simple. Nice, but it was rather abrupt. You could have expanded more on the topic, so the reader can get the feeling of what you're trying to express.

Also, I think you should remove the first two lines, as it lessens the impact of the last two lines.

Overall, it was fine. Keep writing! :D




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Mon May 17, 2010 3:36 pm
ToritheMonster wrote a review...



Erm... to be honest, I don't really get the point of this poem. It seems to have some deeper meaning, but we can only guess at what that that is. I suggest you use the ideas you used in this and expand on them in a new poem. What is the thing in your life you're talking about? What does it mean? What does it look or feel like? This seems like the skeleton of something bigger- work on it!

-Dreamy




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Mon May 17, 2010 3:15 pm
ArahniaSiddel wrote a review...



I agree, the first line should go. I also think the second to last line should go.

Transforming all the old to new.


I don't really know why I would, but I would take out the word "all" in this line. I like the length of this poem. Some may say it is to short, but I think it is just perfect for your idea.
A. S.




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Fri Dec 03, 2004 1:51 am
Dreami says...



The first line, "What Is" could be tooken out. It is just a destraction, and makes it very nice.If you wanted to keep that in there, have "What Is...What Is This?," but I still think it could be tooken out.





Keep your face always toward the sunshine - and the shadows will fall beyond you.
— Walt Whitman