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i've damaged my fingers over you.

by Chevy


I think this poem is missing something but I can't quite figure out what it is so therefore I can't add it. Please help me if you can!

you know,
i've damaged my fingers over you.
bent over a wooden fret board
watching as my fingers paint songs
that i can never let you hear.

overrated repetitive vague cliche.
the same things you have heard for years.

until now,
when i tend to attract the guy
with the better guitar
and the better complexion
who knows i've never been kissed
yet, leaves it alone.

until now,
he says
"i love you,"
i have to turn away, because
i dont know what that means.


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Tue Jul 12, 2005 1:19 am
Chevy says...



Incandescence wrote:
they're repetitive
they're vague
they're cliche
they're overrated
they're the same things
i know you've heard them for years.


That was pathetic and you know it.

The "until now"s were misplaced, had no real purpose other than to confuse the whole poem. Although I like the idea of an "until now" in this poem.

I liked the ending, with the "until now" replaced the way it is in my head.



Okay I took your advice on all the "they're"s. Is that any better?




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Sat Jul 09, 2005 1:36 am
Incandescence wrote a review...



they're repetitive
they're vague
they're cliche
they're overrated
they're the same things
i know you've heard them for years.


That was pathetic and you know it.

The "until now"s were misplaced, had no real purpose other than to confuse the whole poem. Although I like the idea of an "until now" in this poem.

I liked the ending, with the "until now" replaced the way it is in my head.




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Sat Jul 09, 2005 1:09 am
Duskglimmer says...



I liked the first stanza, and the last stanza. But to me, each section sounded like it belonged in an entire different poem than all the others.




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Sat Jul 09, 2005 1:08 am
Misty says...



I don't know. I think it lacks the specific thing that is giving you all of this confusion. I liked the part *watching as my fingers paint songs*





Find wonder in the everyday, find everyday language to articulate it.
— Maurice Manning