Young Writers Society

"I do not write for such dull elves, as have not a great deal of ingenuity themselves." Frill farfel farcel

To say what I should say... I like the words you used..I know that you know this but I just have to say this: capitalize the letter ‘i’ meaning I, yourself.
I don’t understand…

About never writing poems again.. I’d say: just need practice… You’re far a better poet then I am.

I can't remember if I posted this or not...and if I did, just tell me and I'll delete it.

I like your writing, it's really powerful. It's pure and free and I don't know what I'm talking about, but I really liked it. It was really good.

AstrangedbeaR: First off, thank you for liking it...but my main reason for saying I won't continue to write poetry is because, at one point and time I was actually okay at writing poetry, and if 7 people read the poem, 6 people liked it. Now, if 7 people read it, maybe 1 person likes it. Basically, if the readers aren't interested, then why should I be? Sure, I can write for myself but no need putting them on here anymore.

nice. i like it. expecially how you broke down the words towards the end i somehow felt the emotion there, kinding dropping down, and the first two lines is a fantastic hook.
do';t ever say you'll never write a poem again, crituiqing makes you better. i reckon it was good anway, keep up the good work please.

does not make much sence

I'm sorry everyone for wasting your time.

I'm never writing a poem...ever again.

The whole poem seems rushed and forced. I do like one line, "my friend, where are you going?" because it slows down the piece. It is simply stated and it caught my eye at once. Perhaps because it was on its own line. Perhaps the question mark did it. Whatever it was, I liked that line. Mind you, I don't think it really connects well with the poem, but I like line.

I think you're afraid that the reader "won't get it." Many poets are under the impression that to effectively communicate their message to the reader, they have to force it on. Actually, the reverse is usually true. Don't force it on the reader. When it is forced, the reader will perceive it as awkward, and may even see it as meaningless. Why? Who knows. All I know is the more meaning you try to cram into a piece of writing, the less meaning it ends up having. That is, unless you're clever about it.

What does that mean? Think about it. When was the last time a poem absolutely hit you in the face and made you feel an emotion? Why? Look at good poetry and figure out what you like and don't like about the poem.

You'll notice that poets use symbolism quite frequently. They do this through color, metaphors, and more. There's really a lot to it, and I can't explain it all at once. But I see that you tried to imitate it. Look at this:

only i can see the rain that
makes the blue-ish stripes on your shirt
look like rainbows

and only i can see the pain that
stands beside your open morale

Blegh. Trash it, burn it, start over.

I only give strong crits. For future reference - it's nothing personal. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Killing poems, however...

you speak paradoxical phenomenons
and your heart is an aura of arrogance

my friend, where are you going?

only i can see the rain that
makes the blue-ish stripes on your shirt
look like rainbows
and only i can see the pain that
stands beside your open morale

Sunday morning i look into the sky to find you
and only i can see you coming right back down
gravity
never
fails
and it will always
leave
you
on the

ground.

Well, thanks so much for the critique...I asked for strong critiquing and that's what I got.

But to tell you the truth, I'm not a poet...if anything, a lyricist...this was just a pathetic shot at trying to write poetry again. Not to mention about a boy I've grown up with that I can't stand (and that's always hard). All of it was mostly right except I liked the "ish" and I could never remove that.

Thanks for taking all that time though.

you speak paradoxical phenomenons
and your heart is an aura of arrogance

my friend, where are you going?

the wind that you cry to is sheer
so it appears as nothing is there

only i can see the rain that
makes the blue-ish stripes on your shirt
look like rainbows
and only i can see the pain that
stands beside your open morale

Sunday morning i look into the sky to find you
and only i can see you coming right back down

gravity
never
fails
and it will always
leave
you
on the

ground