Young Writers Society

Hello!

VioletFantasy here to give you a review. I saw that a few people didn’t like your poem very much down in the comments, but I think it’s awesome! I love how you put it to the tune of “What A Wonderful World”! I think of that as such an uplifting song, so it is really ironic(in the best way possible) that your poem is about the problems in our world. This was a really clever idea and you executed it well. Now, onto the specifics.

I see politics telling lies,

Leaders losing their minds

Bad deals and steals,

From Pakistan to D.C.,

And I think to myself,

What a wonderful world

Hey!!!! Sorry, but I didn't actually like the message of the poem. I mean why is the world wonderful when you described the cruel things? I admit that the contrast is good however, it does not send such a good message.

I agree with faith - I didnt like this as much as I liked your previous poem. It doesnt seem to flow very well, although that could just be because I dont know the song very well so I cant use the tune to help me. I do like the use of contrast and the irony of "A Wonderful World" - very clever. But like faith said, it doesnt have the depth of your previous work. Not as subtle, perhaps, but still a good concept. With a bit of work it could be great - you just need to flesh it out some more.

I like your use of contrasting; that is, contrasting the good in the song by Louis Armstrong with the bad of what you think is wrong with the world.

But faith is right; it needs more fleshing out. You can keep to the simple nature of the song and make a more emotional impact upon the person.

Just two lines caught my eye...
"I see politics telling lies,"
Change politics to politicians.

And the last line seemed out of place. It may be there in the song itself, but it's awkward to read.

Overall, it's good to get some real political commentary here on YWS. I like the way you express yourself through your poetry, and the contrast you do here is indeed very good.

I didn't like this as well as 'the day America will fall'. It was a little less complex, didn't have as much impact. It seemed that unlike your other poem, there wasn't much substance here.