The reality of the darkness I feel was found in your eyes,
From two years ago until now.
Things will never be the same.
Racing up and down the parking lot
On hot August days after church
Fighting over the last Bagel Bite
Playing Mario on Nintendo 64
What happened to those days?
Where and why did they end?
The reality of you hating me—
I have figured out just now,
When you ignored me.
Even on my birthday.
I miss him
My heart’s racing after Bible Study
On Wednesday night when you just walk pass me
Fighting back tears I never expected to come
Playing dumb games with my ex-friend.
My back is against the wall.
My deepest emotions are being exposed.
When all I wanted
Was just to know.
And just to say
What happened.
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139,350 Literary Works • 672,540 Reviews
And while it's great to read older stuff, we ask that you not review it, because often the author doesn't wish for reviews on old work, or they're not on YWS anymore.
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**locked**
Hello, I know this was written like 4 or 5 years ago, but I still would like to review it.
but what I am really thinking is: wow this is really good. It flowed really nicely.
very well done
keep writing
I could picture this... I could actually... Wow... that is harsh what he did to you.
Just when you think you know a person...
What was strange though is why you acknowledged the fact that he was ignoring you but you didn't tell why... It leaves you to think you know?
Yeah, I really want to make changes to this poem but its virtually impossible because there's so much meaning to this poem...there's so much which I don't know how to bring out...perhaps I'll come back to it in a year's time.
I liked it - you picked a subject which is all to familiar. To be honest I thought it was quite good but hey I'm most proberlly wrong
!
love wu x
I agree. I didn't really get it, but I understand what the general idea is. Its an okay poem, not one of your best, but you should work on it a bit, it has some potential. Maybe you can make it longer and explain to the reader what more happens.
THis was like a really strange song, one of those you hear and it passes through you and you have no idea what it was about. I mean, I understand the general feel, but some bits were just so totally random, it just felt more lyrical than poetic, to me. If that's what you wanted to achieve, I did feel the passion behind the words in that sense.